Sunday, 17 October 2010

Sophistication? You have the wrong office!

I almost feel sorry for Fishy and Jamie. They had such high hopes for Amber and she is crushing everyone.

My favourite Amberisms include:
"Ew British men have such icky teeth" All the guys in the office looked positively woebegone and while I felt sorry for them I had to laugh
"All women should be having regular Botox right Kate?" At which point I spilt my coffee all over my desk.
"I can't help it I just find guys sexier when they have money. I mean I’d never sleep with someone unless he was a financially viable asset." At this point Fishy is turning puce so I interject "Me too the guys I date have to fill out a form."
Simon sniggered and Amber nodded vigorously. "I know right."
Oh and my other favourite gem, "I never eat carbs or sweets. I'd love to look more anorexic like you Kate."
"Yes." I say as seriously as I can manage, "Because in our meetings I'm the one that gets all the guys falling over themselves to give me their numbers... no wait Amber that's you."
Amber laughs, "Yeah because I make an effort. You're just too approachable and you really need to wear more makeup you could be so pretty." I know I should be offended but it's too funny. Plus apparently I could be pretty if I only tried harder!
And the best one to Ted, "This office needs some more sophistication." Ted looked confused and blustered. I laughed "Amber, he gave up on that the moment he hired Fishy." I earn a laugh and a finger from Fishy...

Now I know it sounds like I should dislike her but she is hilarious. I have never met anyone with such a lack of tact and every time she opens her mouth I can't help but laugh. The men however have a different reaction:

Ted - gets flustered whenever she says anything and then looks uncomfortable so trys to laugh it off. Her very expression is "Ted is so like the office papa right?" This makes him clearly uncomfortable and I love it.

Simon - His natural shyness seems to amuse her and she will often go over to his desk and talk. Simon the gets incredibly embarrassed and has sent me secret text messages saying make her leave. Favourite Simon quote, "She terrifies me!"

Fishy - Poor Fishy I feel sorry for him. He is so shocked by Amber that he keeps asking us all to go to the pub drinking. Last time he even texted me when I was working late saying my favourite drink was waiting. Okay he got it wrong but his dislike of Amber has made him a lot nicer to me.

Ethan - Ethan being the most patient person in the office doesn't seem to mind. he is always polite and friendly to her and he and I are both happy to laugh off the more unusual remarks.

Jamie - Poor Jamie is wandering around looking like he's just found out there isn't a Santa. As his Ex I am in no way rubbing this in by telling him I told him so... No definitely not.

Jay - Not that he is a in anyone sexist and a bit of a perv but he seems to spend his entire time starring at her chest. Creepy oh yes!