Friday, 25 June 2010

Awkward interviews and how to become a really bad manager...

Really sorry all for being awol for so long – I had some work issues to sort and just needed some time away. Also one of my work colleagues discovered my blog which made me consider closing it L Anyway if you are reading colleague – please don’t tell anyone that this is me. I would appreciate that. K x

So to recap – I last blogged just after I decided it was a good idea to dump Jamie right before our interviewee was arriving.

Stupid stupid stupid Kate.

After Fishy left smirking Jamie and I looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. “Well I’ll go get her shall I?” I chirp with as much cheer as I can possibly force.
“Shall you?” Jamie mimics back. I blush and stumble out. This poor interviewee is going to have the worst half hour of her life I think.

I go and see her in reception and instantly think please let that not be her. Sitting in reception is the most glamorous and polished woman I think I have ever seen in my life. Slightly olive skinned and dressed head to toe in designers she looks like a less airbrushed Eva Mendes.

Insecurity come and bite me on the ass…

I take a breath. I am in power here I am the interviewer. I think.
“Hi,” I say, “I’m Kate and it is really nice to meet you. My colleague is waiting downstairs if you want to follow me.”
“Hey, that’s great.” She drawls with a strong new York accent, “I’m Amber by the way.”
I turn and smile at her and lead the way. Unfortunately I forgot four very important things:
1) I am a moron
2) I am clumsy
3) I am wearing ridiculous heels and can barely walk as it is
4) I should always always look where I am going

But I ignored these things…And fall down the last few steps

And manage to cut my lip on the floor.

“Oh my God are you okay?” Amber asks sounding horrified.
I now have blood all over my top.

Great if I am going to hurt myself I am implementing a new rule – only on the occasions where I will do it well enough to illicit sympathy

Once the office realises I am alive they all begin sniggering except Ethan (and Simon but possibly only because he is not here).

I plan to put laxatives in their tea.

I get up mortified,

“It’s fine I’m fine.”

Ethan comes over and hands me a pile of tissue
“Ignore them kid – just don’t bleed on your interviewee.”
“I need a hug.” I say.
He gives me a quick squeeze and says “Don’t worry about it, if nothing else you’ve probably given the fairest impression of the company yet.”

I sigh and try to look dignified leading Amber into the room.

“What have you done now?” snips Jamie, he turns to Amber all smiles,
I position myself over the table so I can subtly bleed on him

Small revenge…