Friday, 25 June 2010

Awkward interviews and how to become a really bad manager...

Note:
Really sorry all for being awol for so long – I had some work issues to sort and just needed some time away. Also one of my work colleagues discovered my blog which made me consider closing it L Anyway if you are reading colleague – please don’t tell anyone that this is me. I would appreciate that. K x


So to recap – I last blogged just after I decided it was a good idea to dump Jamie right before our interviewee was arriving.

Stupid stupid stupid Kate.

After Fishy left smirking Jamie and I looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. “Well I’ll go get her shall I?” I chirp with as much cheer as I can possibly force.
“Shall you?” Jamie mimics back. I blush and stumble out. This poor interviewee is going to have the worst half hour of her life I think.

I go and see her in reception and instantly think please let that not be her. Sitting in reception is the most glamorous and polished woman I think I have ever seen in my life. Slightly olive skinned and dressed head to toe in designers she looks like a less airbrushed Eva Mendes.

Insecurity come and bite me on the ass…

I take a breath. I am in power here I am the interviewer. I think.
“Hi,” I say, “I’m Kate and it is really nice to meet you. My colleague is waiting downstairs if you want to follow me.”
“Hey, that’s great.” She drawls with a strong new York accent, “I’m Amber by the way.”
I turn and smile at her and lead the way. Unfortunately I forgot four very important things:
1) I am a moron
2) I am clumsy
3) I am wearing ridiculous heels and can barely walk as it is
4) I should always always look where I am going

But I ignored these things…And fall down the last few steps

And manage to cut my lip on the floor.

“Oh my God are you okay?” Amber asks sounding horrified.
I now have blood all over my top.

Great if I am going to hurt myself I am implementing a new rule – only on the occasions where I will do it well enough to illicit sympathy

Once the office realises I am alive they all begin sniggering except Ethan (and Simon but possibly only because he is not here).

I plan to put laxatives in their tea.

I get up mortified,

“It’s fine I’m fine.”

Ethan comes over and hands me a pile of tissue
“Ignore them kid – just don’t bleed on your interviewee.”
“I need a hug.” I say.
He gives me a quick squeeze and says “Don’t worry about it, if nothing else you’ve probably given the fairest impression of the company yet.”

I sigh and try to look dignified leading Amber into the room.

“What have you done now?” snips Jamie, he turns to Amber all smiles,
I position myself over the table so I can subtly bleed on him

Small revenge…

42 comments:

  1. So glad you're back...dying to know how collague found out about blog (and which colleague). Anyway, great story. Hope you're not going to give Amber the job, she'll clearly jinx you.

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  2. Oh so glad you are back!!!!!!! Hope you are not as clumsy as me, but it appears you may be...Hugs!!!!

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  3. Thanks guys. :) It''s really nice to be back. I missed it!

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  4. small but not without meaning.....

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  5. Kate, I missed you! I checked in from time to time and was sad to see no updates. It's wonderful to have you and your stories back, but I wish you'd stop getting hurt! Thanks for visiting, so I could know of your return. If your colleague is reading this, don't you dare tell! We love our Kate too much.
    xoRobyn

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  6. Bety Manousos: http://cutand-dry.blogspot.com25 June 2010 at 17:19

    It's great you're back!
    You've been missed!
    So glad, Kate dear!
    ~B

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  7. As you may well imagine, all 382 of us have been sitting on the edge of our knoho wondering what's up?
    The next time you take three months holiday a request must be sent, in triplicate, to each of us beforehand.

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  8. Great story, well told! Good to have you back!

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  9. Sir Thomas - a comment I may well use in response to Fishy at some point ha ha

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  10. RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild - thanks I will tell them to keep quiet or I will set my army upon them :)

    Bety Manousos: - Thanks I missed you guys too

    IT - It's a deal. I will complete proper holiday forms next time :)

    buffalodick - Thanks it is nice to be back. hadn't realised how much I missed it until now.

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  11. That's why I can't bring myself to write about my co-workers... I just know one of them will read it and get pissed off at me...

    Really glad you're back though! Missed you!

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  12. Blogging breaks suck. Glad you are back :)

    Now please no more falling. We need you around to blog for another day! :))

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  13. Oh yeah Kate is back! I hope the work colleague doesn't tell anyone or your readers will hunt him or her down!
    Sorry to hear about your lip and Jamie but at least you'll heal from them both.
    Can't wait to hear what's next!

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  14. Hurrah you are back! But wait, how can we be sure it is you and not an imposter...like your work colleague for example?

    Tell us something that only we know about you, so we can be sure!

    Rapunzel x

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  15. You're back! I've literally just come back from holiday and then I saw you were back! I am one of many who have missed your blog. Thanks for continuing :-)

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  16. Oh no! Sorry about the fall, but I can't help but laugh. You have the best stories.

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  17. Glad you came back I nearly gave up.

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  18. So glad to read your posts again. Just when I found you, I thought I'd lost you! Welcome back!!!

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  19. OMG! Sorry about the fall, but at the same time it's funny too. I sure hope the laxatives worked!

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  20. Hurrah to see your return. I hope she turns out to be useless after reducing you to a bloodied state.

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  21. KATE!!! So great to have you back and thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you again, soon, you've got a lot of catching us up to do.

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  22. I sure hope you didn't hire that Amber woman. She is obviously a jinx and nothing good can come of that.

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  23. Oh I hate the thought of having my blog discovered by "real life" people!
    Sounds like just the kind of thing I'd do when interviewing someone.

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  24. OH my god. The odds of that happening. Falling and cutting your lip. It's like a bad horror movie. I share your pain. *cringe*

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  25. Wahay!
    Chuffed you're back K.
    :-)

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  26. You're always up to no good! Hope you don't have to close this place down.
    (Tell me about your new place if you do.. ;)

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  27. it's great to have you back!! i was missing reading all your wacky office happenings. how did your colleague find out bout your blog? and oh my god, i can't believe you had a bad fall in front of an interviewee. hope you're okay. so did you hire that eva mendes lookalike?

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  28. Hey Kate-

    Nice blog. Could probably use more snogging (is that what you brits say?) and less bleeding. Er, wait- that sounded bad.

    Watching clumsy women negotiate stairs in ill-fitting high heels is a hobby of mine. You should post some pics. Maybe one of you wobbling at the top of the stairs, a nice action shot of you falling with your hair all askew, and then a good pic of your face as it scrunches against the floor. Yeah, that'd be good.

    Glad to hear you're okay though. You seem like someone capable of laughing at herself when the occasion demands!

    Keep it real?

    Caleb

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  29. Great story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Glad you're back. Take care.

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  30. Good to have you back! Funny post. As always!

    Poetry and Pornography
    www.datinglondonrealstories.com

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  31. Glad you are back and you should consider taking this private - last thing you want to do is lose your job, etc

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  32. You poor thing! OMG...I sure did miss you ! I'm glad your back!!

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  33. Glad you're back! Also glad you didn't close down the blog :)
    Make sure the laxatives are extra strong! If it makes you feel any better I fainted into a photo copier on my first day. Was completely mortified esp when the fire dept and paramedics turned up.

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  34. I hope you don't decide to stop the blog!

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  35. You're back! I was beginning to think we'd never read any more office confessions! Can't wait to read more. :)

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  36. Kristy - I think the person in question is more of a friend than a co-worker so will maintain my anonymity! Nice to be back xx

    Lifebeginsat30ty - Thanks but no promises over the falling

    Sparkless Ha ha if they do I will set you on them!

    Rapunzel - Hmmm good point. Er rabbits scare me!


    Happy Frog and I - Thanks for wanting me back :)

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  37. Lisa and Laura - To be fair ifit hadn't been me I would have laughed too...

    Anonymous - sorry -bad Kate

    Office Secrets - Thanks I really liked your site too x

    Sarah - I decided the laxatives might be going a bit too far...

    Madame DeFarge - No she is actually not useless. She is in fact quite good and incredibly glam grrr

    Ms. Anthropy - Thanks :)

    Charlene - Ted did!

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  38. 12ontheinside -Glad I am not the only clumsy one. It's not too bad as I trust the person in question

    Dobez_Gaga - I know embarrassing and painful double threat

    TheUnwashedMass - Thanks

    Girl With The Golden Touch Aw thanks :)

    R.R.Jones - I am actually chuffed to be back - you guys rock

    Wynn - I think it will be okay but I promise a heads up if I do close it!

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  39. jo - It was kind of my fault - I told someone not the name but about it's existance when a bit merry - lesson learnt! And we did hire her!

    ian - Thank you :)

    Caleb - Well you are now officially a few months behind but I promise you upcoming snogs....Ha ha glad clumsiness and heels entertains!

    Keith - Thanks

    Beautiful but Grumpy - Thank you - I have really missed all your blogs so it is great to be back

    Ian - Good advice and I will consider it if necessary but I think I can be pretty secure about employment at the moment. Ted makes a big mistake in a month...

    Just telling it like it is - Thanks I missed everyone too

    clo - Oh my God the photocopier sounds way worse - hope you were okay and are better now. I decided the laxatives were too mean in the end.

    Debbie - I wont :)

    Lou - Thanks! I am going to be better at posting too but I was on holiday last week and auto post didn't work!

    Kate xx

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