Monday, 9 August 2010

New girl in the office and co-workers misery is my happiness

Sorry for the delay in posting. I hope this one is worth it.

So it’s Ambers first day – she starts at lunch time and I decide to start the day well by:
  • Being on time (I am only 15 mins late this counts as managed)
  • Wearing make up- (Sucess foundation covers the bruise from a fall)
  • Making sure hair was brushed and stocking free of runs – I can mend that bad first impression (Fail - stockings ripped and hair mad)
  • Stopping Fishy or Jamie from anything too appropriate. (Who am I kidding?)
  • Stopping Ted from calling her Sugar bird which he used on me this morning. (Just what?)
“Can I get anyone a tea?” I offer
Jamie and Fishy grunt yes, Ethan and Simon offer to help.
“Ted?” I ask,
“Alright then sugar bird” He responds.
I pause and glare.
“If you don’t want me to add something a lot less sweet to your tea I suggest rephrasing.” I say and stomp off.

“Seriously what is with him?” I fume to Simon, who laughs.
“You could occasionally ignore him rather than rising to it every single time you know...” He says.
“But he needs to learn how stupid he is.” I say “And without me reminding him how will he ever know?”
Simon laughs, “You are a nightmare.”
“Hey he should be thanking me.” I say, “If Amber was here she could sue – she's American remember.”
“She better not.” Says Fishy who has snuck up behind us “It will be loads worse when we finally have a fit woman in the office.”

This should not bother me because:
Fishy likes to annoy me I know this and I think the whole office does. Unfortunately it does. I try and think of a good comeback and fail so resort to spilling coffee on his desk. Unfortunately this isn’t quite the victory it should be as in the process I spill some on my white skirt. This looking well-groomed thing isn’t working out. I already ripped my stockings so I have my Mr Bump plasters displayed on my knees for all to see. Classy Kate...

At around ten to twelve I get a call from reception announcing Amber is here and I go up to see her.
She is as glamorous as ever and positively dripping Chanel. I remind myself that I don;t want or need designer stuff. Besides while I could never afford designer labels it is probably for the best. I'm already cross with myself for ruining a £20 skirt before lunchtime…

“Hey.” I say to her with a smile, “Remember me? I’m Kate welcome.”
She smiles and takes my hand. “I’m glad you're okay I felt really sorry for you.” She says.
I blush “All better now!” I say over brightly and concentrate very hard on walking down the steps.

I introduce her to the rest of the office and show her to her desk.

“And we are doing a special welcome to the team lunch for you at one” Ted booms at her.
Amber smiles, “Wow that’s great.” As I settle her into her desk she asks
“Where are we going? Somewhere nice? I’m like so dying to try the Ivy.”
I laugh, “They are slightly less generous than that here, generally it’s the pub down the road. It does nice food and we go there a lot after work which you are welcome to join. Best introduce you now."
“Ew” she exclaims loudly, I jump and hope she isn't talking about one of my injuries
“A pub?" She looks says looking horrified "I never go there -they're dirty and full of old men right? Totally gross. Plus they never do carb free stuff”
Hmmm this could be interesting I think. “Give me a second.” I say and grab Ted.

“Ted do you think we could do Pizza Express?” I ask quietly, "I think Amber would be more comfortable with somewhere she knows.”
Ted looks bemused, “Why?”
I sigh I have no argument so improvise.
“Ted,” I say confidentially, “It’s a girl thing…”
“Oh well then of course.” He says looking scared. I love this about Ted. Mention anything remotely female and he runs a mile.

I go back to Amber’s desk and hear her telling Fishy and Jamie how much she hates pubs and the beer culture. Both look like they have eaten lemons and Ethan is trying not to laugh.

I think she might be a very interesting choice...


  1. Hates pubs? She's besmirching centuries of British culture. How dare she?

  2. Ha ha thats what Fishy and Jamie said. There little faces were so indignant have never laughed as much in my life.

  3. LOL....cant wait to hear about her lol..

  4. Sounds like a little high maintenance and immature. Gonna be interesting..

  5. Sounds like a Miss Priss. Although to be fair there are no pubs in America.

  6. I think she is my new hero - just for putting Jamie and Fishy in their places like that...

  7. It always makes me happy when I see you have uploaded another post. This has a lot of potential to get very interesting!

  8. Hahaha...u made a come bck with a gr8 story! m sure Amber will provide a lot of spice for the upcoming stories :P

  9. JStar - watch this space she is proving interesting...

    Sarah - high mainteance for sure but I think she'll be an interesting edition

    Lifebeginsat30ty - She likes bars apparently..

    Happy Frog and I - Thanks I love your blog too!

    Sup! - I am actually glad they chose her - she is so different it should be a fun few weeks...

  10. Hi, Thanks for visiting - what an interesting office you work in - enjoy it while it lasts. Completely different from the one in which I spent many a chaotic and meaningless year....

    Now? I am free as a bird (ancient OAP you see). Enjoy it while you can!

    Cheers Kate x. - Yeah! yet another one ...

  11. I love it! All those men who made you hire the pretty girl got what they had coming to them. How can they possibly hope to spend some time with her after work, when she doesn't do pubs?
    This will be an ongoing victory for you, Kate.

  12. Girlfriend, I thought you'd died of misery. SO glad to see another post!

    I do look forward to seeing how this plays out. I love seeing beautiful pulled together women completely isolate themselves with their uppitiness. Should be quite entertaining. (that coming from a one-of-guys, sitting in a pub girl)

    Please, don't make us wait so long. PLEASE!

  13. I love her already. Really I do. Do you think she'll like pork scratchings?

  14. Oh she's gonna blend in like oil to water! LOL! Lots of good fun with her I'm sure. Amber doesn't stand a chance!

  15. How can you hate pubs? It's like, dark and full of beer. My kind of place!

  16. Pubs good. Beer good. Fact

  17. She’ll learn. Just needs a little help. Possibly

    my office gossip

  18. Haaaa! Hates pubs? Hates beer culture? Hates me, LOL.

  19. This woman is a total fail on the humanity side. Hates pubs? Has she no soul??
    Can't wait for Ted to call her, "Sugar bird", he he he...

  20. you're back again. yay.

    'it's a girl thing'...hilarious. quick thinking, knowing how men freak out over statements like that. haha

  21. this certainly should be interesting... it seems like she might be grossed and horrified at the whole company in general... oh well it would make for even better tales of that crazy place you call the office.

    and good to have you back :)

  22. I love pubs. One of my favorite places to go.

  23. The waiting was worth it for this one! Sounds like you and Amber might hit it off after all. I love that she has such distaste for pubs...just when Jamie and Fishy thought they had got one over on you. Underneath all the Chanel she might be a very interesting character.
    BTW...Mr Bump plasters are awesome.

  24. Came across your blog today, love it! So funny! I will definitely come back to read more!

  25. I love it! you are such a clever girl...forget that she is dripping in Chanel I give it one week and the office will have outed her in the circle!

  26. Thanks for stopping by. Just checked out your stuff. Witty. Will definitely keep a eye on you. Hope you do the same. Lots of juicy stuff to come on The Fall of Men.

    Xx - Eva

  27. Are you alive...we need more office confessions....

  28. It must be a long life to live if you don't love a good pub and beer! Can't wait to see how she works out in the office. More confessions please :)

  29. Nonsense- she's an uptight pain in the ass, but she's hot. Ergo, the men will play along enough (balancing pushing her boundaries with accepting her weirdness) until they get in her pants. They'll bang her for a while, then drop her like a bad habit.

    I can see the future.

  30. beer is good! pud is not cool. . .

  31. Where arrrrrrrre you? I miss these updates Kate.

  32. Sweet, sweet revenge!

    I´m actually kind of gad you were awol, since I was too and this way I didn´t miss as much.

    Hope that Amber person isn´t all bad and I can´t wait to read what happend at lunch.
    How could she hate beer and pubs? They're not gross, they have character.

    O and check out my new blog. It's about cooking eatable things in a college kitchen.

    x Sophie

  33. needmesomeconfessions8 October 2010 at 21:02

    What up biatch? can't give us any updates or what? You gonna just leave us hangin'?

  34. Come back Kate! I need a good laugh and your stories never fail to make me laugh.

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