Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Publishing ceremonies, mad CEO and having to work sucks

The last few days seem to have been manic - don't faint but we have all had to work - shock horror.

Early in April there is a big award ceremony for a certain area in publishing and we are hosting this. As far as publishing awards go there are two types - fun ones where you meet interesting people and corporate ones. Ours is corporate the whole point of it is to make lots of money and is so boring it's a struggle doze off - on the plus side we get given a five star meal at a very posh hotel in London and endless champagne. However in the build up we are all feeling overworked and underpaid.

Jay has been wondering around in a kind of management stupor because finally he has something that even he can't manage to screw up - food tasting.

Ted is barking orders at us all and becoming quite alarmingly red in the face. Ethan who is the mature and sensible one actually stormed out the office yesterday after Ted told him to "Buck up your ideas young man." when he tried to leave on time for his wife's birthday. Tensions are running high in general and Jamie and I are rather pointedly not speaking to each other to Fishy's obvious joy.

"Are you two looking forward to interviewing later" He smirks
Jamie grunts and I scowl at him.
"Now now now now now thats not the attitude I want from my happy little TEAM." Pipes Ted, "I want enthusiasm - you two need to say today I WILL find the perfect candidate."
Simon coughs clearly trying not to laugh, Ethan rolls his eyes and Jamie continues to glare. I shrug disinterestedly.
"Maybe they should form a power circle." Fishy suggest an evil glint in his eye, "Ted was saying in the past he has used holding hands in a circle to motivate."
"Quite right." Ted interrupts looking delighted - people listening to anything he says is pretty rare.
"Good plan Fishy - TEAM on your feet. We need to up the energy in this room TEAM!" I groan.

"I think they need to get more involved." A clearly amused Fishy says,
"Good plan.," Says Ted, "Right Everyone hold hands and say-"
"I'm not holding hands with him." I say pointing at Fishy, "I don't know where he's been."
"I wouldn't want to hold hands with you for the same reason.," He retorts "Oh actually I know where you've been"
"Isn't this waste of time supposed to be about team building." Ethan says wearily.

"Yes so enough bickering children." Ted booms, "All take hands."
We all relutantly give in.
"Repeat with me - today I will be my best. I will support my colleagues and I will sell sell sell."
I consider making a sarcastic remark but decide I haven't the energy. I replace sell sell sell with market market market though just to annoy Ted a bit.

"Morning all what are we up to?" Comes a nasal and constipated voice. Great Jay has decided to venture to the commoners.
"Just motivating the happy worker bees." Ted says oblivious to the sea of scowls.
"Good good good. Well I need to volunteer to come to the Pretentious Hotel with me and help me with the food tasting. How about you Katie?"
"I have a press release to get out and then we are interviewing I am afraid." I say trying to sound sincere. Given the choice of spending time with Jay and having my teeth pulled out I am not sure which I'd prefer.
Jay looks surprised - clearly I have passed up a lifetime opportunity, "Well how about our young junior sales boy." he says nodding at Simon, "Learn from a master."
Simon blushes but nods and gathers his things up clearly uncomfortable.
"You can't expect this kind of treat every working day mind." Jay warns.
Simon gives a forced smile, "See you later."

After a few hours when Simon still has not returned I get a text from him saying, "He is making me hold plates while he tastes things and I had to blind fold him. I would rather be holding Ted's hand."

I laugh and message it to Ethan who smiles.

"Haven't you guys better be getting the interview room ready. Fishy says to me and Jamie "I am sure you will need to talk beforehand."
I reluctantly follow him into the meeting room where we sit in silence for a few minutes
"So are we going to talk at all."
"Okay" I say. "I don't think we should see each other any more."

Unfortunately at this point Fishy arrives saying "Your interviewee has arrived." And I have a nasty feeling he heard me.



64 comments:

  1. Gosh. Let's hope he didn't.

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  2. Unfortunate timing. Out of interest, if you're going to be single... ;-)
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

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  3. I'm not sure which Fishy likes you more. At least one is upfront about it, instead of hiding behind a facade of school-yard faux-contempt.

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  4. You kind of lost me at the word 'work.'

    It's like my kryptonite.

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  5. Crikey. Group hand holding?! Can't you get worker's comp for that?

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  6. Group hand holding? What is this, California??

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  7. You know, I really do not like Fishy.
    I hope Jamie takes it OK and doesn't make a scene.
    I did once, make a scene that is, when I was 17 and I still cringe when I think about it; which is daft really because it wasn't that bad actually.
    Ho hum, life goes on, eh?

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  8. tension! but look forward to the endless champagne.

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  9. haha! that must have been some food tasting. i must remember to insist on that the next time i have to be at a food tasting. but of 'coz that isn't a daily treat i get to enjoy at work...

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  10. I think Fishy has the hots for you !!!

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  11. I was thinking the same as Marla, only I've never gotten into a group hand-holding circle at work, and I've worked in CA all my life.
    That's a bit over-the-top in woo-wooness.
    Robyn

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  12. LOL!! I love the hand holding but doesn't that border on abuse, making you all touch each other and such? Ted is mad!

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  13. You're such a heart breaker. If you ever want a hired gun to take out Fishy, I could be persuaded. I REALLY don't like that guy!

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  14. I love group hand-holding circles. That way I get to tickle two palms at once.

    Fun post as always!

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  15. OMG- group holding hands is weird but then again Ted is a bundle of oddness isn't he? Did he learn the hands technique in therapy?! Sounds like he did! Ha.

    Oh dear- i hope Fishy didn't hear what you said because that would mean endless making fun of you- as you didn't already have enough. I still think he secretly fancies you but isn't man enough to admit it!

    :)

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  16. Ugh! The victim here: Simon! Poor guy. My boss would make me share his samples and then wrap up the leftovers for a mold growing contest in the kitchen.
    Lovely thoughts!

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  17. group hand holding? Only with a round of Kumbaya.

    and Jay with the "young junior sales boy" combined with blindfolded food tasting sound a little porny. lol.

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  18. I think of all the functions I organized, or had to attend...that was all for naught..The fruitless meetings, the miles driven that all was just imagining I was making a difference...

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  19. I really enjoyed this post!, Kate.
    Group hand holding? I love it!
    I 've added you to my blog roll
    Hope your day 's been great so far.
    Betty xx

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  20. I've missed you posts, but you really packed everything in to this one so thank you! :-)

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  21. There's little worse at work than being forced to act enthusiastic - kind of morale buster in itself.

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  22. You're right - I'm not sure any of this is worth the five star meal and endless champagne. After a day like that, it should be sausage and mash and a nice cup of tea.

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  23. Don't mention team building to me. It usually involves standing around making things out of paper and string, with a crummy lunch.

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  24. Ted needs to be sectioned in my humble opinion

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  25. Oh not group hand holding, yuk!

    I hope the cat isn't out of the bag...with comment maybe being overheard!
    xxx

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  26. Blimey, this Fishy bloke sounds like a right nasty git - i'd keep away if i were you - bordering on a bully!

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  27. Poor Simon.. I thought he would be tasting the food too... Fishy is turning out to be a great villain in your office story... and I think he is good for your blog because he adds spice to it. ;)

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  28. Seriously group hand holding??...and with fishy...demand danger pay for that one! You're blog makes me appreciate my work so much more...a place where my boss comes in maybe once a month and I do his job. All my office scandal attempts to stay nicely hidden.

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  29. I don't know him, but I can't stand this Ted dude. He needs a good kick in the ass. Group hand holding...pffttt! This isn't Romper Room.

    http:snafuliving.blogspot.com

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  30. Your life is always exciting! I cant wait to read the next post Kate! What a way to end it!

    :)

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  31. Ahh! Cliffhanger! Is that Fishy guy as annoying as he sounds???

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  32. wow great post. I tend to only read the blogs that I find interesting .
    i like the panties hanging above
    don't be angry i'm just kidding

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  33. Hi Kate,
    Thanks for voting for me on Ian's blog. You're awesome: gorgeous, talented, humorous, and sweet! No wonder you are so popular. I just wish for you that your colleagues weren't so weird. Then again, I guess you'd have to stretch a bit more to keep us entertained were they more normal. Hang in.
    Cheers,
    Robyn

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  34. Oh the old hold=hand= circle...fun
    then you guys should have a trust circle where you tell all of your most private things that happen to you as a child...and then everyone is suppose to never bring it up...yeah I know thoughts games suck don't they...
    but your team building! Just kidding

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  35. There is a lot going on there - drama! Thanks for stopping by my blog, hope you are enjoying your day!

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  36. Seriously, are you hiring? I'll hop across the pond in an instant for this daily goodness.

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  37. Hi Kate, as I said before I love your blog, so I gave you an award on my blog, you can visit to see

    "http://lesanchez.blogspot.com"

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  38. Love cliffhangers! Simon is so cute..

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  39. Hi Kate,

    I found your blog from the Blogging Women list and I love it!

    Like Laura, I've left you a blog award on my blog:
    http://becks-carrie.blogspot.com/

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  40. Great article. I found your blog through bloggers.com

    This is very interesting.

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  41. I SWEAR this Fishy guy came into my club the other day - he sounds exactly like the average strip club 'frequent flyer', if you know what I mean...

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  42. Yo Kate! Good one ;) U r a rockstar hehe

    my new post
    http://girlwithanosepin.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-saw-sparks.html

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  43. Where are you Kate. Please tell me you are ok. Will email ya

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  44. Hope you are OK, long time no hear. x

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  45. Fishy is the worst! Don't leave us hanging! What happens next?

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  46. Nice story, also visit www.officechill.com

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  47. this is hilerious !! i love it,

    visit mines, its only new but ehm im hoping to build it up to be a great reading blog :D

    http://youaverageranting.blogspot.com/

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  48. Where are you Kate? I'm missing the smile I get from your posts. Hope you are okay.

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  49. Kate I missss you please come back.

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  50. Helllooo Kate! wwhat u upto??! u r found missin :p come back come back

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  51. I can't believe stories like yours can be real. (Definitely cause you have a lot). maybe I should just find a new job ;) )

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  52. Oh where Oh where has my little Kate gone ? Oh where Oh where can she be ??? Hope all is well !

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  53. I stumbled across your blog last week and read up until the last March entry...where ARE you? You are the one keeping me at my desk trying to finish my PhD!! Please some back...

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  54. And by 'some' I meant 'come'! Clearly I need help finishing...I can't even spell. The return of your revelations would be much appreciated....

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  55. Hello. I hope this finds you doing well. I've been on a blogging hiatus since the beginning of the year, so it's been quite some time since I've been around to visit some blogs. I'm back from my break now. I wanted to make sure to visit your blog. I enjoyed checking out the latest posts on your blog. Great job. I'm back blogging now myself. I hope you'll take a look at what I'm doing. Thanks. Take care. Have a great week.

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  56. Been awhile Kate, hope everything is Okay?

    You haven't lost your job have you????

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  57. Miss your posts Kate. I need a smile, come back.

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  58. Where have you gone? How's the office? You can't just leave us hanging around here, desperately looking for new posts!

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  59. KATE! Remember me? Maybe you won't even notice my comment - you have SO MANY comments for your posts now, it's intimidating.

    I see your office hasn't changed much. I have no idea who Fishy is, I might need to catch up on that. Oh Simon. Still the same - a little bit awkward. I still remember how I loved that he was chosen over the other girl who was interviewed. LOVED the text he sent you! Haha.

    And, wait a minute, you and Jaimie? I have LOTS, to catch up on.

    I hope you're well, Kate!
    missykimmy.blogspot.com

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  60. Sorry sorry sorry for not beign around for a while - long story involving some personal stuff and someone I didn't want finding my blog. I promise will be less flaky now

    Kate xx

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  61. Kate you're back!

    I hope the issues have been taken care of.

    Missed you x100000!

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