Tuesday, 12 January 2010

How not to answer a work evaluation... unless you are leaving in a week

So a group of us go to the pub to complete Teds form in the evening. Ted's evaluation form is both pointless and pretentious so Rob decides this is the perfect time to have some fun...we all help him with the form - let me know what you think....

Question 1 What special skills enable you to contribute to anon publisher like no one else can? Invisibility I use this to measure the average length each staff member spends on the toilet

2When you wake up what inspires you to do the best job you can? The possibility that one day I might see Ted naked (This was my suggestion)

3 How do you think your boss would describe you in five words or less? You are my boss Ted.... This was unanimous...

4What other skills could we help you to develop to make you the best sales team member you can be? Letting me get on with my job and not answer these questions would be a start...

5What helps you get in the mindset of sell sell sell. The potential extra 25K I can earn..... I answer this one with the simple "Nothing seeing as I work in marketing.....

6How do you push yourself to the 110% success the company demands? Learn basic maths. This tells me 110% is impossible.

7What do people say about you? That I am amazing in bed. Rob gives me a look while saying this and I roll my eyes. "You are leaving in a week." I say "And it's never going to happen with me."

8Are you willing to go the extra mile - give examples of how you have done this. Once I travelled an hour for a shag. This one was all Rob clearly.

So do you think Ted will like?


  1. Hi Kate, I'm new to blogging but wanted you to know that I really enjoy your blog. :-)

  2. Rob is leaving in a week right? =P I think Ted might be happy after reading this. hehe.

    Love the one with the 110% & the you are my boss!! Ohh evaluations. They are so pointless. =)

  3. I have concluded that you should sleep with Rob.

    No reason, I just think so. Go on. Do it.

  4. Hey! I hope the wrist is better!

    Yeah I hated self evaluations too.

  5. Hey lady, I've been missing you! Get back to normal posting frequency - and catch up on my adventures!

  6. Lol, I think your answers are great :)

  7. I think Ted will blow his top, and I can't wait to read about it!

    Are you sure it's never going to happen with you and Rob....?

    Thanks for stopping by my blog by the way! :-)
    More comedy dating disasters to come soon...

    Kate x

  8. Great! That's the way to deal with patronising forms!

  9. Oh yes. I think Ted will LOVE it. Haha!

    Brilliant post!

  10. Very funny! Too bad you can't do this if you are planning to KEEP your job.

  11. I laughed throughout this whole blog, great post!

  12. I hate when a workplace suggests that you can somehow give more than 100% to a job.

  13. That 110% one kills me! :P That's one of my big pet peeves. Can't wait to hear how it goes when Ted reads it! :)

  14. Number 2 is class, Kate.

    As for no. 4, you can also add :

    Managing your Managers (this course actually exists)

    Help with finding a better job

    Interview techniques

    Brush up your CV skills

    You'd have to hand in a few anonimously, obviously...

  15. well he might start a bedroom incentive program ;)

  16. You really do have a great blog here. I have a blog myself which brings inspiration and guidance to people all around the world. Life is hard enough, and I hope my site can contribute anything positive to someone's day.

    I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around between each other. Please let me know if this is possible. Until then, keep up the good work.


  17. ugh evals... I'm really gonna try this on my boss the week I leave. Can't wait to see the look on his face!

  18. This kept getting funnier as I read on. My favorites are 2, 6, 7, and 8.

  19. he'd LOVE it... and give rob a raise... you know, if he weren't already leaving in a week...

  20. I think this piece of art will be wasted on Ted, as he has allready proven to have no sense of humour.
    At all.
    But for the rest of us, it's pure delight ;)



  21. Hey, I've really missed you around! Excellent answers and be careful on the goodbye drinks for Rob...!!!!

  22. Traveling an hour for a shag definitely shows a great amount of effort in my book. This tells me that he is determined to releive his stress and have a good time.

  23. Just caught up on the last couple of months. Loved it all! I felt bad for you in some instances, but the way you write about even your own mishaps shows your ability to laugh at yourself.

    Can't wait to read about Ted's reaction to the eval!

  24. Performance review time is something I don't miss at all. Maybe I'll stay in school until I get my Master's Agree so I can avoid them for a long, long time.

  25. Question #1 is rather out there. Special skills? Jeez.

  26. Just found you! Oh, I think I have a new fave little reading spot.
    And while I at time have complaints about work, I'm so grateful not to be part of this corporate mess!

  27. Thanks for the sympathy over at the Chronicles...did I mention that the computer has the only reasonably current copy of my novel?

  28. I never gave the 110% thing much thought but you're right, how can you give more than a 100%, do you steal it from someone else?

  29. He will like the sell sell sell part, but not the part that he'll never get you in bed.


  30. Oh this is awesome! I love it! I used to work in an office, and wish I would have come up with something like this!

  31. You only travelled an hour? That's the extra mile? Call me when your crossing multiple timezones. I like the blog. Very funny!

  32. all great answers. love # 5 though..

  33. May I borrow a few of these for my next evaluation? I am with you on the 110%. I say that all the time.

  34. Such excellent answers, Kate!
    #1 cracked me up!
    Loved your comments on my blog about your tactics.Great!
    Have a wonderful day

  35. I will some day die laughing at your office confessions... You are just to funny... to the extent of scary funny.

    PS: Thanks for what you said Kate.

  36. How about this - Ted would not be disappointed.

    I liked #7!

  37. Something tells me Ted won't appreciate the humor of it. Maybe you should keep that version to yourself...

  38. Thanks for opening my eyes with this insightful post on the art of filling in such forms - funny didn't come into it, it was hilarious.

  39. Sorry I haven't been visiting in a while because well fucking life gets in the way sometimes. Having read this, I realize how much I've missed you.

  40. Self evaluations are wrong. Just run away.

  41. Man, the big office environment is a world unto itself. I did that once, many moons ago, and oh the drama! How fun I'll have following along on your happenings. Oh and thanks for coming by...

  42. Hehe, you certainly do have a funny blog here! Ah, the London office scene is usually so much more interesting than the American one! I blame pub culture ;)

  43. I am so glad to be through with the corpoate nonsense that accomlished nothing...

  44. Happy Frog and I said - Thanks :)

    Melanie's Randomness - Yes he is. I think he is Ted's favourite too

    Wynn - I think he has concluded that too!

    Christiejolu - Thanks much better but sadly my clumsiness goes from stregth to strength

    Plentymorefishoutofwater - Hey Fishy! I'm back I promise!

    Tara - I think Ted will disagree

    Ian - Yeah but lucky he is leaving!

  45. Kate - Great name btw :) I think Rob is too much of a player for me...

    Fran Hill - I suspect Ted will disagree....

    The Invisible Seductress - I can't wait to see Ted's face

    Hunter - such a stupid question too!

    Kato - I can't wait to see his face.

    Miss. Ardeth Blood - Thanks :)

    Aunt Juicebox - I know only advisiable if you have somewhere else to go

    theblueeyedboy - Thanks

    secret agent woman/Rebecca Knight - I know 110% is just stupid!

    Rupie Fowler - Oh I like the suggestions!

    sanely insane - The sales team would love that!