Man trouble and blind drunk interview techniques

Today has not been good. I should have stayed in bed.

Things that make a bad Tuesday:

• Running out of tea bags without caffeine I am neither pleasant nor useful)
  
• Falling over when getting off the bus
  
• Ripping stockings in said fall and having to spend £7 on new ones
  
• The fact that I made myself bleed in the fall
  
• The lack of sympathy from my workmates
  
• Ted looking at me and saying "You look TERRIBLE Kate."
  
• Jamie's new girlfriend

I know I shouldn't be jealous. We are just friends. Who flirt and text occasionally thats it. But he is being so annoying. If I hear one more word about his hot date tonight I might accidently spill tea on him.

I decide that revenge flirting is promptly needed. I consider calling Chris the sweet journalist. Then I remember my last attempt at flirting with him nearly lead to a restraining order.

I sigh - maybe this is a good thing I can stop having mixed feelings for a colleague and yet knowing I should not act on it. It will be a good thing. This is a good day. Then just when I perk up one the elastic in one of my stockings promptly snaps. Making a noise. While I am wearing a short skirt.

Yes having hosiery fall off your leg must be as bad as it gets...

"Katie?" Ted calls "Did I tell you that you need to give a presentation in the meeting on Friday?"

Kill me now...

Long liquid lunches and pay day!

Hooray we get paid today! I can't stop smiling more through relief than anything else. I am not quite sure where my money has gone this month. Yes some went on shoes but only £50 and that seems reasonable.

I am not the only one in a good mood - the entire office feels a bit like summer holidays. Jim decides he will take us all out for a drink or two at lunch time. I smile happily as we all walk out. I feel included although I feel a little guilty about poor May who seems to have been stuck minding the phones. The sales guys just don't understand her - she is abrupt but she is also a really nice person.

Once we arrive at the pub Jim insists on buying a round so I decide on a large glass of white wine - hey it is summer and I am with my boss. The hour goes quickly but Jim seems unconcerned and he is my boss so I don't worry. Jim gets up and buys us all another round and I feel a little concerned. I never eat breakfast - I skipped lunch and I have just had two large glasses of wine.

I feel a little concerned and look at the guys - they all seem fine. Jamie looks rather amused. He links my arm as we walk back to the office and I stay out and steal a cigarette from him. Alcohol always makes me want to smoke although I really don't normally.

We walk in together as May is storming out. It is three and she has not been able to have lunch - she is clearly furious with all of us. I send her an email and say sorry as soon as I am back at my desk.

All about my co-workers!

As things start here are the reoccurring players in this little drama. I will update this when needed.

Kate:
The star and heroine of the show. I am your omnipresent voice. Fearless and always right. Okay the last part is bollocks but you get the picture. I am in my mid twenties with long blond hair,  fond of shoes and prone to embarassing myself on a regular basis..

Jay
The CEO of the publishing company I work  in . Both very posh and very patronizing. He has called me "Good Girl" already. Hello do I look twelve? (actually don't answer that considering they asked for my ID when I brought a bottle of wine yesterday) Jay is  scary due to stubbornness - ability to fire me, total lack of empathy and inability to listen to anyone else's opinion. He has grey hair so styled it wouldn't move even in a hurricane and is tall and skinny. He wears designer clothes at all times and is fond of braces. Sadly it is true. He is in his mid forties

May
Australian Admin girl. Soon to be promoted to production manager. She is brusque and to the point. She has brown curly hair and somewhat overweight. She hates dirty jokes and thinks the salesmen are immature and annoying. She is in her early thirties but seems older as she is very mature. Surprisingly we do get along.

Andrea - known as Andi 
Admin manager from the Ohio originally but has lived in England for seven years and worked at this company for six of them. Works from home a lot but when she is in the office is slightly confusing - incredibly professional but more than capable of downing copious amounts of cider and being one of the boys. She has mousy brown hair and is slightly bigger than average but by no means fat.She is in her early thirties

Dave
Salesman with an axe to grind. Average height bald and in his late twenties.

Jim
My boss currently in Switzerland - this is the man who hired me and who will be mentoring me so I can become a brilliant genius in the world of marketing. Yeah right. Jim is funny and quite laddish making many rude jokes and fond of swearing. (So am I actually but am being on my best behaviour for the moment) He likes to laugh and enjoys a buoyant atmosphere. He is in his forties, greying hair and tallish and on the thin side. He is often seen with a "cheeky glass of wine"

Jamie
Another sales man. He is similar to Jim in some ways - likes a drink likes a laugh has quite a filthy sense of humour and likes to have fun. Clearly a bit of a ladies man as he seems to have several girlfriends on the go. Enjoys a pint and is easy going and relaxed. he is in his mid twenties with dark hair - with a bit of a curl and is of average height and build. Not bad looking and a definite flirt to any woman who isn't Kay.

Chip
The accountant - incredibly camp incredibly gay and incredibly sweet. In his twenties again with curly hair and olive skin. He and Kay are close and often disappear out together.

Stee
Graphic designer. Wears filthy jeans and has dubious body odours. If you can get past this he is actually very nice. Slightly on the chubby side and I am guessing in his late thirties.

Jack
The sales junior who is only able to speak in Monotone. One of the youngest as this is his first job since university. Jack is American with a southern drawl. He is on the short side with light brown hair. He clearly looks up to Jamie and is trying to impress him.

Evan
The new sales man who will be replacing the disaster that lasted only two hours. Quiet and consciousness he becomes one of the only sales men Kay can stomach. He is a good listener but can also be very good fun. Is getting married in a few months and seems slightly under the thumb but an all round nice man. Slightly on the chubby side he is in his mid thirties with light brown hair. He also seems very fond of blue socks

Rob
He is a new salesman who will be joining us shortly. He is rather young looking in the face and gives an impression of innocence. Do not fool for it - a close personal friend of Jim he is a practical joker and a terrible flirt with the ability to sell ice to Eskimos. Charm by the bucket loads and witty with a fondness for pints he is a force to be reckoned with. Jamie immediately idolizes him. Rob is in his early thirties and is tall and slim to the point of almost being skinny. Light brown hair and freckles and an infectious smile

My weird new co-workers and bodily functions

After what feels like hours pass and I seriously considering hurling myself out the window to escape Stee who obviously now feel comfortable enough to fart loudly at me. Just as I am mentally forming a resignation letter in my head a few more people arrive.

The first man is less than reassuring - he stomps in glares at me and sits down without a word. Lets call him Dave. Dave is a salesman and clearly angry about something. I wonder if perhaps it is because he is prematurely bald. If I were bald in my twenties I might be angry too.

I bite my lip and wonder if I have somehow pissed him off by existing. Don't be paranoid Kate, I think to myself. Clearly he hasn't even noticed you exist. It is true Dave ignores me and goes and sits at his desk.

After Dave I am relieved when May shows up. She seems friendly. May is a Australian and brusque to the point of being rude. Still she introduces herself - shakes my hand - smiles at me and more importantly than any of this shows me where the toilets are and makes me a cup of tea. I actually consider kissing her on both counts - I am at this point severely caffeine deprived and frankly bursting. Had I be waiting much longer I would be ready to come out and declare myself May's bitch. Which while she is nice she is not entirely my type.