Man trouble and blind drunk interview techniques

Today has not been good. I should have stayed in bed.

Things that make a bad Tuesday:

• Running out of tea bags without caffeine I am neither pleasant nor useful)
  
• Falling over when getting off the bus
  
• Ripping stockings in said fall and having to spend £7 on new ones
  
• The fact that I made myself bleed in the fall
  
• The lack of sympathy from my workmates
  
• Ted looking at me and saying "You look TERRIBLE Kate."
  
• Jamie's new girlfriend

I know I shouldn't be jealous. We are just friends. Who flirt and text occasionally thats it. But he is being so annoying. If I hear one more word about his hot date tonight I might accidently spill tea on him.

I decide that revenge flirting is promptly needed. I consider calling Chris the sweet journalist. Then I remember my last attempt at flirting with him nearly lead to a restraining order.

I sigh - maybe this is a good thing I can stop having mixed feelings for a colleague and yet knowing I should not act on it. It will be a good thing. This is a good day. Then just when I perk up one the elastic in one of my stockings promptly snaps. Making a noise. While I am wearing a short skirt.

Yes having hosiery fall off your leg must be as bad as it gets...

"Katie?" Ted calls "Did I tell you that you need to give a presentation in the meeting on Friday?"

Kill me now...

Tell me why I don't like Mondays

Because at the moment this Monday is shaping up well.

First I arrive twenty minutes late and no one even seems to notice. I even had an excuse prepared to do with water on the tube - hey there has to be some benefit of how crap London Underground are.

Second following our drinks I have decided that I will not obsess that I am not marriage material I will just be glad to have survived the potential cliff shove. On an entirely unrelated subject I do make everyone a cup of tea and coffee that morning and even offer to do the lunch time round...
I have been having fun at my job recently too - Raw has been taking me to industry conferences and letting me see their literature and I am making up brochures and media packs. I find myself taking to these like a duck to water - I actually feel like I am doing something I am good at for pretty much the first time in my life.

And Jim has said that if I want to I can work from home one day a week! Woohoo sitting on the computer in my pyjamas. If I am feeling like it I can email naked.

Ha! Naked Wednesdays!

My new job - I survive the first few weeks

The new job continues and I survive! I make tea, I listen to conversations I smile and I try to fit in. At no point do I find out what the hell I am supposed to be doing but so far no one seems to have noticed. My boss returns from Switzerland buys me coffee and tells me to read the publications.

He also seems to get drunk a lot - apparently there is a boy bonding session every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday lunchtime. I somehow get stuck answering the phones a lot of the time when these are happening I am not quite sure how.

I try to bond with the two women in the office but they both work from home a lot. May is nice to me though when she is in and even draws me a map of where to go for lunch. I found all these places on my first day but it's nice to be nice so I think her.

I also begin to bond with Chip our resident American and very gay accountant. He is funny and extremely sharp. I find my rather sarcastic sense of humour challenged and we quickly establish a friendship based upon mutual piss taking. Maybe I can fit in here.

On my third day two new sales men start - neither cute unfortunately (what are the odds?) One is American with the complete inability to put any expression into his voice. If he came in and said the worlds was being invaded by giant rabbits (I have rabbit fear okay?) it would still seem dull. The other Fred is quiet. So quiet in fact that we don't notice after his lunch when he doesn't return and it takes two days until we realise he hasn't been seen since Wednesday.

After some investigation we find his letter of resignation sitting on his former desk and discover all of the blue biros have vanished.

What a great company this is......

Pretentious posh boss aka total moron

Hooray I think when uber posh CEO arrives.

Seriously in my interview with this guy I wanted to start talking about how frightfully marvelous tea and scones were of an afternoon. I have a bad habit of unconsciously mimicking other people's accents. I am well spoken at the best of time - next to this guy I sounds like I am mocking the queen. Which I do like to do with some regularity however - lets save that for later.

The CEO - lets call him Jay looks around sees me and says, "Kate. You're here. Good." He looks at me for a second with a glance that makes me feel immediately like a bug. I have this horrid feeling he is wondering why the hell he hired me and probably thinking that he must have been higher than a kite. (He was actually but I still think he made a wise choice)

Lets describe him for you - he is a sex God - well actually no unless grey hair with a lot of gel is your thing. Hey I don't judge...

He then says "Well I am sure the team have you all settled in my now." then promptly buggers off. Without a second glance. Feeling more than a little abandoned I amuse myself by spinning my chair around.

Then May helpfully comes over and tells me my boss is in Switzerland until Wednesday with one of the salesmen and the women who will be training me will be in a 11am.

Fantastic! I waste the day looking at various websites and waste £15 on a pair of shoes off ebay. And I got paid for shoe shopping - maybe this is the perfect job for me I think.