Red thongs, blushing wars, and think before speaking

Hmmm Ted has obviously been told by Jay to motivate everyone more. The sales are down and Ted is trying to push. So far he has attempted to introduce a round of applause for every sale, a twenty pound win for the board leader and occasional bouts of cheering.

This morning as he comes into the office he sings "Scooby Dooby Doo" and then points and winks.
I ask him politely if he is drunk from last night which does not go down at all well.

Ted then tries to give us a big speech,
"Team remember you have to be the best sales team you can be!" He says chest heaving with emotion.
"Seize your targets and smash them."
I have been preparing to make a sarcastic comment towards this but unfortunately lean back in preparation of my own wit and instead fall backwards off my chair.

While I seem to do fall over a lot this was pretty spectacular... and a bad day to wear a bright red thong. As the team explodes with laughter I pick myself up blushing. Hopefully they will be too polite to comment.

"Wow Kate you've gone as red as hmmmm maybe a pair of very red pants." Jamie says wickedly. "Wouldn't you agree Simon?"
Simon goes bright red as well now we look like the tomato twins.

Great I just flashed two work colleagues. I'm like an unpaid stripper I'm doing it for free.
"Kate I think you embarrassed Simon." Rob observes.
"No I'm fine its all fine." Simon stammers going even redder.
"I don't think Simon liked your underwear Kate." Jamie says.

I glare at him, "Look can you all just get your heads out of my pants." I shout.

I did not just say that.....
" mean," I say weakly but now everyone is laughing too hard to notice. Even Ethan and Simon....

I think I just took the lead in the blushing war with Simon...

No pants today - things are looking up

I feel like cheering or cracking open the vodka! The week that I left my underwear in the middle of the office is drawing to a close.  I survived the next days with minimal talking and no one has said anything. Although Rob  was singing the thong song yesterday and smirking. I think it was just a coincidence though....

I am getting there though - really - I am now a fully fledged marketing executive and I am learning. I even came up with some proper marketing strategies and ideas. Okay they were rejected by Jay pretty much without even listening to them but he promised to, "consider these ideas in the future certainly."

He did however call me good girl. Is there a way to discourage this I wonder?

As I think this about this Jay arrives - I smile in a professional manner - the manner of one who should definitely not be called "Good Girl"

"Kate?" He summons. I look up brightly with an air of steely professionalism.

Jay gives me a patronising smile before saying brusquely, "Be a good girl and make me a cup of tea."
I fume - right that's it - I'm spitting in his tea.

I wonders if Jay is as annoying in bed as he is in the office. My head fills with unpleasant images - the precise gray curls on his head and ... well you get my drift. I wonder if he shouts,
"Strewth!" or "Gosh" or "Jolly good show."

Do you know what - that's a visual place I do NOT want to explore.

Monday Monday - lets expose my pants to the whole office

Oh crap.

Crap, crap crap!

Today started off so well. I arrive in the office and see that the sales boys have had a re-arrange - Dave is now officially out of there and Evan and Rob are all settled in. The atmosphere is instantly better. We chat more and there is some degree of excitement. I still have to suppress a laugh whenever Jack says a word. Seriously this guy makes Gordon Brown seem animated.  My mind then decides to  imagine him shagging.  The thought horrifies me. That unenthusiastic American drawl. "oh yeah faster baby" the thought makes me shudder.

I notice Jamie is watching me and blush.  Imagining your new workmates in the sack probably not the best way to win friends and influence people.  I think and try to look busy. I smile brightly and offer to make a round of tea. As I walk across them room I see a small piece of bright red material on the floor. "Whats that?" I say and pick it up ands freeze.

That turns out to be my thong.

That's the thong that I was wearing yesterday.

I am wearing the same trousers as yesterday.

The thong must have been caught in the trousers and at some point worked it's way out of my trouser leg.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Oh God

How long has my worn thong been on the floor? Has anyone else seen?

I stuff it into my bag and make tea - I am in such a state of shock I keep alternatively giggling and blushing. This can not be happening. I try to avoid peoples eyes but can't help notice Rob seems to be watching me looking suspiciously amused.
May and Andi are both sitting together and seem completely oblivious. I can't even seek female reassurance.

Yes I hate Mondays