Friday, 4 December 2009
How to discourage a flasher and single work mates!
So just for a change Rob, Jamie, Simon and I all go for drinks. I try to persuade Andi to come but she says she is going to go out with her boyfriend instead. I think she is avoiding Rob...
Rob takes us into a dark dank little pub right near Victoria Station and orders a round of tequila shots.
"What are we drinking to?" I ask
"Drunken women" Rob says.
"They'd have to be paralytic to go near you mate.” Jamie teases.
"Enough." Rob commands, "One, two, three."
"So have you got a present yet for your girlfriend?" Rob asks Jamie smirking in my direction.
"No." Jamie says, "We actually broke up yesterday"
I look up…. Jamie is single? Is this my Christmas present?
"Seriously?" Asks Simon
"Yeah" Jamie replies, "It wasn't really working. Besides I have my eye on someone else."
He has his eye on someone else?? Act casual Kate ACT Casual
I try and ignore the slight blush I can feel and see Simon looking at me.
He says "I think you're in there Rob. You and Jamie make a lovely couple"
Rob laughs, "He wishes"
Jamie laughs, "On that note more tequilas?"
Drinks 4, 5 , 6……???????
Several tequilas later and I seem to have decided it is a good idea to demonstrate the fact that I can put my legs behind my head. Note to self this is not a good thing to do in public especially not when wearing a skirt. Classy Kate really classy – is this why I'm single?
Jamie has decided to go outside and throw up on the pavement and Rob seems to be so drunk that he doesn’t realise that he is feeling Simon up (who is sitting between us) not me. Simon seems torn between laughing and looking violated and is inching away from Rob as close to me as he can. I see Robs hand start stroking his knee and Simon jumps up nervously.
"Think I'd better get going" He slurs.
Rob and Jamie both murmur “light weiighsss” as we stagger out.
Simon and I jump and the train together and sit holding hands for a few minutes. I sort of think this is a bad idea but then the drunk part of me thinks it is a good idea.
As we arrive at Warren Street Simon realises he is going the wrong way and quickly jumps off. I can’t seem to stop giggling and carry on until someone sits next to me.
The train is empty so I find this a little odd but I am feeling sicker and sicker so I stare out of the window and try and concentrate on not throwing up.
Oh God, I think I am going to be sick.
Suddenly the man next to me taps me on the shoulder at which point two things happen.
1 - I realise he is exposing himself...
2 - As I turn around I throw up in his naked lap....
He jumps up and runs off the train at Kings Cross leaving a trail.
Gross - Yes.
Deserved - Maybe.
Am I relieved it wasn't a little old lady asking the time? Oh God yes