Friday, 4 December 2009

How to discourage a flasher and single work mates!

So just for a change Rob, Jamie, Simon and I all go for drinks. I try to persuade Andi to come but she says she is going to go out with her boyfriend instead. I think she is avoiding Rob...

Rob takes us into a dark dank little pub right near Victoria Station and orders a round of tequila shots.
"What are we drinking to?" I ask
"Drunken women" Rob says.
"They'd have to be paralytic to go near you mate.” Jamie teases.
"Enough." Rob commands, "One, two, three."

Drinks 1-2

"So have you got a present yet for your girlfriend?" Rob asks Jamie smirking in my direction.
"No." Jamie says, "We actually broke up yesterday"
I look up…. Jamie is single? Is this my Christmas present?
"Seriously?" Asks Simon
"Yeah" Jamie replies, "It wasn't really working. Besides I have my eye on someone else."

He has his eye on someone else?? Act casual Kate ACT Casual

I try and ignore the slight blush I can feel and see Simon looking at me.
He says "I think you're in there Rob. You and Jamie make a lovely couple"
Rob laughs, "He wishes"
Jamie laughs, "On that note more tequilas?"

Drinks 4, 5 , 6……???????

Several tequilas later and I seem to have decided it is a good idea to demonstrate the fact that I can put my legs behind my head. Note to self this is not a good thing to do in public especially not when wearing a skirt. Classy Kate really classy – is this why I'm single?

Jamie has decided to go outside and throw up on the pavement and Rob seems to be so drunk that he doesn’t realise that he is feeling Simon up (who is sitting between us) not me. Simon seems torn between laughing and looking violated and is inching away from Rob as close to me as he can. I see Robs hand start stroking his knee and Simon jumps up nervously.

"Think I'd better get going" He slurs.

Rob and Jamie both murmur “light weiighsss” as we stagger out.

Simon and I jump and the train together and sit holding hands for a few minutes. I sort of think this is a bad idea but then the drunk part of me thinks it is a good idea.

As we arrive at Warren Street Simon realises he is going the wrong way and quickly jumps off. I can’t seem to stop giggling and carry on until someone sits next to me.
The train is empty so I find this a little odd but I am feeling sicker and sicker so I stare out of the window and try and concentrate on not throwing up.

Oh God, I think I am going to be sick.

Suddenly the man next to me taps me on the shoulder at which point two things happen.

1 - I realise he is exposing himself...
2 - As I turn around I throw up in his naked lap....

He jumps up and runs off the train at Kings Cross leaving a trail.
Gross - Yes.
Deserved - Maybe.
Am I relieved it wasn't a little old lady asking the time? Oh God yes


  1. Without a doubt that was well deserved and so funny I almost peed my pants laughing. I threw up on someone once and it turned out to be one of the best days of my life. But that's a long story.

    At least you didn't try to prove how sexy you could dance on a table. Been there, saw that. She was doing great too until her panties got tangled around her ankles and she fell off the table. Oh well better luck next time.

  2. real is stranger than fiction...... hehhe

  3. Bravo!

    It's a shame that there's no pictorial evidence, and the absence of a 'flasher network' means that it won't serve as a warning. I think we should all follow your example, though.

  4. OMG! How totally appropriate! lol

  5. That's just great....really funny and really awesome. Well, the getting sick part not so much. Can I write the screenplay?


  6. Some superb comedy timing there.

    And we all know how long it takes to get the smell of sick off you.

    His little chap is going to be stinky for quite some time.

  7. Brilliant! But you shouldn't have let Simon run away..

  8. Good thing for you that he was just your average perv. In an extreme case, he might have liked the whole puking thing...

  9. So, Simon is single and you held hands..More, quickly!

  10. What a hilarious end to your night!

  11. LOL Such a great story!
    So glad you popped over to my blog so I could find you! I'm your newest follower:)

  12. LMAO, that jerk DESERVED to be thrown up on! You're my hero!

    That whole leg behind your head thing? Far more disturbing when it's a guy demonstrating it... been there... seen it...

  13. I really, really want to see the look on the face of the guy in charge of the railway network's CCTV that night.

  14. LOL!!!! OMG! That is so funny I fell off my chair laughing and had to have everyone around me read your story.
    I wonder if that creep will ever expose himself again. I think you've cured the world of one pervert. Good job Kate!

  15. And the moral is, never drink at lunchtime

  16. Kate, working 9 to 5 is my idea of hell but I'd maybe reconsider if I could come and work in your office and we could spend the day emailing about everyone there! Love it!

    Rapunzel x

  17. Hahaha the best timing ever!! He so got what he deserved!

  18. HAHAHA. I LOVE IT. You know what they say; timing is everything! And I love the new header! HAH. Totally suits your blog!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

  19. He,he,he....I'm always for a bit of justice!
    I say "let the pervs wear their sickness for a change!" BRAVO, and nice aim for an inebriated lass!

  20. Thank goodness you didn't waste thoat tequila! Hope you are feeling nice today.


  21. Hahaha, best post for a while, Kate - loved it. I have got my eye on you and Simon.

  22. There's a guy with his ego in the crapper!

  23. YOU my new friend are AWESOME! Thanks for stopping by my blog and I'll let you know if I get the courage to get the lasik. I'm going to follow you since you're obviously into drinking heavily and liking awkward situations as much as I do. That will teach that guy to expose himself again! Many kudos to you!

  24. hahahahaha that is the best drunken story ever!

    I can't wait to read what develops with jamie!

  25. That was so funny ... Hey can you show me that legs behind the head trick ? Ha !

  26. Hi Kate - Many thanks for passing by and commenting on my blog - much appreciated.
    I look forward to perusing yours ;-)
    All the best.

  27. OMG seriously? Funny


    Well played, would love to see the CCTV of that

  29. 3 cheers for tequila!

    There's an award for you on my blog.

  30. That rolled before me like a movie. Sooo visual! Ah, those telling nights out....

  31. Hey there. How are you today? Thanks for your recent comment on my blog. I did have a great birthday. I hope you've been enjoying the weekend. Take care. Have a great week ahead. Cheers!

  32. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I am so happy you enjoyed my photography.

    Julie Magers Soulen Photography
    Blog of Note

  33. Kate! Oh my God, it's been SO long since I've been on blogger. Do you even remember me?

    I just made a new post. You should check it out, because you won an award! :D

    Wait, the award's from me, in case you didn't get that. I know you've won lots of awards, but I finally get to give you one.

    I have got to catch up on your updates when I wasn't on blogger, so I'll probably comment again here.

    Will you be on twitter more often when I'm there too? I like knowing what's happening in your office haha.

  34. Wow! How do you always manage to get yourself in these crazy situations!? Makes for great story telling though. Keep it up!

  35. hahahah! best way EVER to deter a flasher! good job!

  36. Omfg that's hilarious!! What comes around, goes around I say...except that I'm not sure flashing your bits is equivalent to being thrown up on!

    Great post, loved the way you told the tale.

  37. Love how you both let it all out at the same time. I'm keeping hope for you and Jamie.
    Keep us laughing, Kste.
    :) Robyn

  38. You should become some sort of vigilante, puking on offenders. You could be called "The Bile" or "Gag Reflex" or "Chunderbird!"

  39. LOL, now THAT is the way to cure someone of his flashing problem!

    Sound promising with Jamie...

  40. Coughing chunks on the flasher is funny, but everyone seems to have missed you demonstrating how you can put your legs behind your head... in a skirt! That really had me laughing.

  41. Seriously? That is an awful experience, although throwing up on him demonstrates your remarkable wit and composure...

  42. I bet someone's going to think twice before flashing again ;)! Well done!

  43. i would lose my mind if someone flashed me. lose my mind. what a treasure! great story!

  44. Oh Kate! 1000 points for funny, and 1000 points for ralphing on a flasher!

  45. Gregorio Martino - Lets hope I don't do that at the christmas party!

    f1trey - True and often smellier

    Technolustmaxx - ha ha I like it. Not sure I could manage on demand though...

    Eva Gallant - Yeah he kind of had it coming...

    Ian - Only if you cast someone far prettier than me in my role!

    Betty - I know I am torn between feeling icky and feeling victorious...

    Dan - Yeah try explaining that to the wife or girlfriend...

    Keren David - Yeah I am getting torn between him and Jamie

    Sarah - Yeah weas it good or bad timing though? I can't decide..

    Hunter - Didn't think of that! Ew!

  46. You must be a legend with that little "legs behind the head" stunt now...hahahaha