Simon says... stay of execution and a date!

So Simon was offered the job!

Ted rang his recruitment consultant this morning and said how impressed he was by this young mans demeanour. Not to mention the other one ran away screaming eh Ted?

Simon for some unknown reason has accepted and is joining us on Wednesday next week. True to form we have immediately organised welcome to the team drinks for Wednesday lunch. Even better as Ted is on holiday Tuesday and Wednesday next week.

It was also a good day as I ended up not having to do my presentation in the dreaded management meeting. To explain why this is so scary once a month every Friday all the managers which include Ted, Jay, Andi and May have an all day meeting with one of our shareholders.

It tends to go on until past five and at lunchtime Andi emerges and begs each of us in turn to either poison shoot or incapacitate her so she doesn’t have to go back. I also hate giving presentations. This week though they were so busy there wasn't time for a marketing presentation. The shareholder is popping in Wednesday afternoon to meet me so I can give it to him one to one. So bets on whether I can do this without screwing it up? Or blushing?

And I have a revenge flirting plan. Jamie is still going on about his new girlfriend constantly... but I have a date. Every week I go and grab a coffee at about 11am. For the last month a guy called Tim has been chatting to me - he works in the area and has been pressing for a lunch date. So I am going out with him next Thursday. Take that Jamie.

Right off for Jacks leaving do - must make sure I mention the date.

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I am really impressing my employer- is that the sack I see approaching?

I really need to learn to follow these basic lessons. My boss is annoying but I do not want to get fired.

Therefore this is a list of things I will no longer be doing....well maybe.

Do not after turning up half an hour late claim you were there all day and your boss "simply didn't take the time to notice my existence which I find deeply wounding."
Ted replied "Kate not only is that inappropriate it suggest a possible lack of respect for me."

On being told you show a possible lack of respect for your boss do not - I repeat DO NOT correct said boss with the statement. "No it wasn't not a possible lack of respect it was a definite lack of respect."

Do not manage to wear two shoes that while relatively similar in colour have about an inch and a half difference in heal size. When others notice this it is hard to find any explanation for this extreme blondeness

If you do make the mistake above do not spend half an hour rigorously defending it as a style choice. No one was fooled and if you are prone to blushing you will then get called red Kate all day (as in Ken)

Do not sulk about being laughed at - try to storm off and then fall off said shoes. Spectacularly.

Do not ever admit to weird phobias these will be used against you. Ted seems to have decided that I am mentally challenged due to the occasional squeaks from my desk I stupidly told Rob earlier about my crippling fear of rabbits. Cue the sales team sending pictures of rabbits to me all day causing me to leap up and demand they delete the nasty picture. They also keep singing "Bright Eyes" at me - not obviously scary but singing talent is lacking... (Note to self do not tell them about the spider fear)

There are many other stupid things I could put down here but one thing I did learn was don't give away all your secrets in one go.

Anyway today we are all going to the pub. The sales team seem on the verge of rebellion and after today I need a drink!

When the going gets tough go to the pub

I feel a bit sad for the rest of the afternoon. I like Chip and it would have been nice to have a leaving do and give him a proper send off.

May grabs me later to tell me the full story. Apparently Chip quit over three months ago but Jay refused to listen. Chip is quite mild mannered and sweet and incapable of standing up for himself. He has texted May to say keep in touch and sorry he had to leave so cloak and dagger but it was the only way to escape.

The guys suggest a quick drink this evening and I decide why not. It will be a bigger group than usual - for one thing Evan will be joining us. He is one of the older sales men - he is quieter and a lot less rude than Jamie, Rob and Jim, although thats not difficult. Andi is joining too so I figure why not be sociable - after all I am working from home tomorrow - yay!

After a few glasses of wine I am doubting whether this is such a good idea - for one thing I am carrying my laptop around and in my slightly tipsy state I am a little concerned as to it's safety. I think I should pass my three month probation period before losing my computer.

The guys decide we will all share the strangest place we have ever had sex. Jamie rather proudly admits he is a member of the mile high club. Rob is partial to the great outdoors and Andi once got chased away minus pants by an angry resident after her and her boyfriend were caught in the act. Evan is more coy - he is about to get married and feels it might not be polite to share such intimacies. However he does tell one of the rudest jokes I have ever heard so I suspect he will be fitting in just fine.

Nothing like a bit of good old work bonding...