Woo. I think working from home. I can nurse my hangover in the privacy of my darkened living room with lots of coffee. This is great. I wake up at exactly five minutes to nine and go to my computer and log on. This is rare for me I am actually on time - my computer clock says 8:59. I am a dedicated employee in early for work! Ha
After logging on and emailing as many people as possible so they can see I am actually working. I giggle at emailing them in pyjamas then promptly spill tea all down my top. Oh crap. I take a moments naughty amusement in topless emailing and the decide I should be more sensible.
My being sensible consists of making myself more tea. I also feel hungry. I so rarely eat junk food I figure I have earned a fried egg sandwich breakfast. See a definite advantage of not being at work - could I fry an egg there?
Ouch ouch ouch!
Have just been promptly reminded why frying topless is a very very very bad move. Clearly with no workmates to supervise me I become a danger to myself.
Good job I am back at the office tomorrow.
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
When the going gets tough go to the pub
I feel a bit sad for the rest of the afternoon. I like Chip and it would have been nice to have a leaving do and give him a proper send off.
May grabs me later to tell me the full story. Apparently Chip quit over three months ago but Jay refused to listen. Chip is quite mild mannered and sweet and incapable of standing up for himself. He has texted May to say keep in touch and sorry he had to leave so cloak and dagger but it was the only way to escape.
The guys suggest a quick drink this evening and I decide why not. It will be a bigger group than usual - for one thing Evan will be joining us. He is one of the older sales men - he is quieter and a lot less rude than Jamie, Rob and Jim, although thats not difficult. Andi is joining too so I figure why not be sociable - after all I am working from home tomorrow - yay!
After a few glasses of wine I am doubting whether this is such a good idea - for one thing I am carrying my laptop around and in my slightly tipsy state I am a little concerned as to it's safety. I think I should pass my three month probation period before losing my computer.
The guys decide we will all share the strangest place we have ever had sex. Jamie rather proudly admits he is a member of the mile high club. Rob is partial to the great outdoors and Andi once got chased away minus pants by an angry resident after her and her boyfriend were caught in the act. Evan is more coy - he is about to get married and feels it might not be polite to share such intimacies. However he does tell one of the rudest jokes I have ever heard so I suspect he will be fitting in just fine.
Nothing like a bit of good old work bonding...
May grabs me later to tell me the full story. Apparently Chip quit over three months ago but Jay refused to listen. Chip is quite mild mannered and sweet and incapable of standing up for himself. He has texted May to say keep in touch and sorry he had to leave so cloak and dagger but it was the only way to escape.
The guys suggest a quick drink this evening and I decide why not. It will be a bigger group than usual - for one thing Evan will be joining us. He is one of the older sales men - he is quieter and a lot less rude than Jamie, Rob and Jim, although thats not difficult. Andi is joining too so I figure why not be sociable - after all I am working from home tomorrow - yay!
After a few glasses of wine I am doubting whether this is such a good idea - for one thing I am carrying my laptop around and in my slightly tipsy state I am a little concerned as to it's safety. I think I should pass my three month probation period before losing my computer.
The guys decide we will all share the strangest place we have ever had sex. Jamie rather proudly admits he is a member of the mile high club. Rob is partial to the great outdoors and Andi once got chased away minus pants by an angry resident after her and her boyfriend were caught in the act. Evan is more coy - he is about to get married and feels it might not be polite to share such intimacies. However he does tell one of the rudest jokes I have ever heard so I suspect he will be fitting in just fine.
Nothing like a bit of good old work bonding...
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Another member of staff runs away screaming
Today I am don't go straight to the office - instead I spend the morning at a conference. Jim has informed me I am now in charge of our media partnerships and bringing marketing materials to them. So I head off to a five star hotel instead of my usual dingy office. Oh it's a tough life!
The conferences themselves are boring as hell but I love the venues. The last one was in the Hilton by Mayfair. I arrive drop off some business cards and brochures and chat to a few of the delegates over the coffee break. After they all go back inside I eat more than my fair share of ginger biscuits and figure I should head back to the office.
On my way out I check that no one is looking and steal a plate of biscuits. See I can be marriage material. I didn't steal the plate by the way - just all the biscuits so my theft is not too grand!
I arrive back and dole out biscuits to the office who seem more amused the impressed but they still happily eat the biscuits. May tells me the latest news - Chip has vanished! Without even saying goodbye. Apparently Jim, Andi and Jay have been in Jays office most of the day and he is making an announcement later. Kay is worried - her and Chip have always been close - and she knows his boyfriend has been putting pressure on him to move back to Ireland.
Suddenly we all hear the sound of Jay's office door opening. We all scramble back to our desks and open appropriate documents to pretend we were working. Jamie picks up his phone and fakes the end of a sales call thanking them for their interest in out products. I smirk as he winks at me.
"Good afternoon all," Jay proclaims, "I have an announcement about some staff changes, as some of you might know Chip has sadly had to leave us quite suddenly as his girlfriend is ill and I am now recruiting for a replacement."
Girlfriend I think and try not to giggle. Does Jay not understand? Bless
Jay puffs himself up and starts speaking about having a new young and dynamic team.
So more interviews in the office then? Oh joy?
The conferences themselves are boring as hell but I love the venues. The last one was in the Hilton by Mayfair. I arrive drop off some business cards and brochures and chat to a few of the delegates over the coffee break. After they all go back inside I eat more than my fair share of ginger biscuits and figure I should head back to the office.
On my way out I check that no one is looking and steal a plate of biscuits. See I can be marriage material. I didn't steal the plate by the way - just all the biscuits so my theft is not too grand!
I arrive back and dole out biscuits to the office who seem more amused the impressed but they still happily eat the biscuits. May tells me the latest news - Chip has vanished! Without even saying goodbye. Apparently Jim, Andi and Jay have been in Jays office most of the day and he is making an announcement later. Kay is worried - her and Chip have always been close - and she knows his boyfriend has been putting pressure on him to move back to Ireland.
Suddenly we all hear the sound of Jay's office door opening. We all scramble back to our desks and open appropriate documents to pretend we were working. Jamie picks up his phone and fakes the end of a sales call thanking them for their interest in out products. I smirk as he winks at me.
"Good afternoon all," Jay proclaims, "I have an announcement about some staff changes, as some of you might know Chip has sadly had to leave us quite suddenly as his girlfriend is ill and I am now recruiting for a replacement."
Girlfriend I think and try not to giggle. Does Jay not understand? Bless
Jay puffs himself up and starts speaking about having a new young and dynamic team.
So more interviews in the office then? Oh joy?
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
Because at the moment this Monday is shaping up well.
First I arrive twenty minutes late and no one even seems to notice. I even had an excuse prepared to do with water on the tube - hey there has to be some benefit of how crap London Underground are.
Second following our drinks I have decided that I will not obsess that I am not marriage material I will just be glad to have survived the potential cliff shove. On an entirely unrelated subject I do make everyone a cup of tea and coffee that morning and even offer to do the lunch time round...
I have been having fun at my job recently too - Raw has been taking me to industry conferences and letting me see their literature and I am making up brochures and media packs. I find myself taking to these like a duck to water - I actually feel like I am doing something I am good at for pretty much the first time in my life.
And Jim has said that if I want to I can work from home one day a week! Woohoo sitting on the computer in my pyjamas. If I am feeling like it I can email naked.
Ha! Naked Wednesdays!
First I arrive twenty minutes late and no one even seems to notice. I even had an excuse prepared to do with water on the tube - hey there has to be some benefit of how crap London Underground are.
Second following our drinks I have decided that I will not obsess that I am not marriage material I will just be glad to have survived the potential cliff shove. On an entirely unrelated subject I do make everyone a cup of tea and coffee that morning and even offer to do the lunch time round...
I have been having fun at my job recently too - Raw has been taking me to industry conferences and letting me see their literature and I am making up brochures and media packs. I find myself taking to these like a duck to water - I actually feel like I am doing something I am good at for pretty much the first time in my life.
And Jim has said that if I want to I can work from home one day a week! Woohoo sitting on the computer in my pyjamas. If I am feeling like it I can email naked.
Ha! Naked Wednesdays!
Friday Drinks - shag marry push off a cliff...
As we appear to have bonded so much today - I decide i can go out with the workmates for a drink. I try to avoid going out with my workmates too much as I have a few situations in my last office. I made very good friends but I felt like perhaps people couldn't separate the professional Mae from the pissed up Mae. And I still have a slightly humiliating memory of entertaining the office with some dirty dancing with another girl from sales.
Yes I should definitely try and make this an exception not the rule. But there is no harm in a little glass of wine right? Otherwise I could risk them thinking I am dull and boring.
So we get to the pub they greet the landlord enthusiastically by name. Pete smiles at us with the welcoming air of one who knows we are about to spend a lot of money. I smile and wonder exactly how many hours are spent here.
As we have all had a few drinks already we are perhaps a little more loosened up than we would be normally and the conversation turns to how annoying Jay is. Followed by various and pretty amusing impressions of him. I also learn i was very lucky to get hired as he currently hates blond women due to his soon to be ex wife (blond a lot younger than him and apparently shagging a client of ours - ouch)
I feel a little nervous. Jim then decides he should get back to his wife and children so buys us all another drink before leaving. So this will be my fourth glass of large white wine on an empty stomach. Oh dear.
Invariably after drinking too turns to sex which I try not to participate in too much. It then turns to the sales men enthusiastically playing shag, marry or push off a cliff on the ladies from our office. Considering there are only three women in the office I appear to be getting shagged a lot. I am not entirely sure how to react to this so smile awkwardly. Does this mean I am not marriage material?
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Apologies and practical jokes
I have sent my groveling email to May and she is smiling at me again phew. I hate upsetting people. I also feel pretty pissed. I am trying to stop myself giggling but I keep noticing that my keyboard is wobbling and it seems funny. I also see my reflection and notice my nose looks red. I giggle to myself. Right must do some work this afternoon - do not want workmates to think I am a complete lightweight I think.
I notice an email arriving in my inbox from Rob. My smile fades - it reads "How pissed are you?"
I blush and try to look hard working and sober. In my defense I am a size 10 and 5,7. I have less room to soak up alcohol than they do.
Jim leaves to go and grab cigarettes and Rob decides it is joke time. He carefully covers Jim's phone in ink so him ear will be black. He also unfolds a paper clip and picks up Jim's afternoon banana. I watch intrigued as he carefully decapitates the unsuspecting banana and replaces it. I pick it up impressed - you wouldn't have a clue the banana had been sliced in half.
Under strict instructions not to give the game away I get back to my marketing letters. Jim comes back and promptly answers his phone. Luckily he realizes immediately and laughs. He then ends up with half a banana in his lap and officially declares war on Rob. Monday morning could be interesting I think....
I notice an email arriving in my inbox from Rob. My smile fades - it reads "How pissed are you?"
I blush and try to look hard working and sober. In my defense I am a size 10 and 5,7. I have less room to soak up alcohol than they do.
Jim leaves to go and grab cigarettes and Rob decides it is joke time. He carefully covers Jim's phone in ink so him ear will be black. He also unfolds a paper clip and picks up Jim's afternoon banana. I watch intrigued as he carefully decapitates the unsuspecting banana and replaces it. I pick it up impressed - you wouldn't have a clue the banana had been sliced in half.
Under strict instructions not to give the game away I get back to my marketing letters. Jim comes back and promptly answers his phone. Luckily he realizes immediately and laughs. He then ends up with half a banana in his lap and officially declares war on Rob. Monday morning could be interesting I think....
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Long liquid lunches and pay day!
Hooray we get paid today! I can't stop smiling more through relief than anything else. I am not quite sure where my money has gone this month. Yes some went on shoes but only £50 and that seems reasonable.
I am not the only one in a good mood - the entire office feels a bit like summer holidays. Jim decides he will take us all out for a drink or two at lunch time. I smile happily as we all walk out. I feel included although I feel a little guilty about poor May who seems to have been stuck minding the phones. The sales guys just don't understand her - she is abrupt but she is also a really nice person.
Once we arrive at the pub Jim insists on buying a round so I decide on a large glass of white wine - hey it is summer and I am with my boss. The hour goes quickly but Jim seems unconcerned and he is my boss so I don't worry. Jim gets up and buys us all another round and I feel a little concerned. I never eat breakfast - I skipped lunch and I have just had two large glasses of wine.
I feel a little concerned and look at the guys - they all seem fine. Jamie looks rather amused. He links my arm as we walk back to the office and I stay out and steal a cigarette from him. Alcohol always makes me want to smoke although I really don't normally.
We walk in together as May is storming out. It is three and she has not been able to have lunch - she is clearly furious with all of us. I send her an email and say sorry as soon as I am back at my desk.
I am not the only one in a good mood - the entire office feels a bit like summer holidays. Jim decides he will take us all out for a drink or two at lunch time. I smile happily as we all walk out. I feel included although I feel a little guilty about poor May who seems to have been stuck minding the phones. The sales guys just don't understand her - she is abrupt but she is also a really nice person.
Once we arrive at the pub Jim insists on buying a round so I decide on a large glass of white wine - hey it is summer and I am with my boss. The hour goes quickly but Jim seems unconcerned and he is my boss so I don't worry. Jim gets up and buys us all another round and I feel a little concerned. I never eat breakfast - I skipped lunch and I have just had two large glasses of wine.
I feel a little concerned and look at the guys - they all seem fine. Jamie looks rather amused. He links my arm as we walk back to the office and I stay out and steal a cigarette from him. Alcohol always makes me want to smoke although I really don't normally.
We walk in together as May is storming out. It is three and she has not been able to have lunch - she is clearly furious with all of us. I send her an email and say sorry as soon as I am back at my desk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
