The first Monday since Jim finished. Sigh. Ted is officially in charge now and so far so bad
I arrive in the office (9:20am) and sneak inconspicuously towards my desk. If I tiptoe no one will notice I am late. Jamie rolls his eyes when he sees me.
Still I don't think Ted noticed. In fact he doesn't appear to be here, nor does Andi. "They are in a meeting with Jay." Rob says guessing what I was thinking. I hate it when he does that.
"What is the meeting about?" I ask
"Timekeeping." Rob says and then bursts out laughing.
"I hate you." I say blushing.
I go up and make tea for the group. It's my penance for being late.
When I get back to me desk Jack Ethan and Rob are crowded around it playing with me phone. It is now on loudspeaker and no one can seem to change this. Great.
At that point my phone rings - I shush the guys so I can sound professional on my call.
"Good Morning Small Anonymous Publishing company, Kate speaking" I say in my best posh voice
"Cactus! Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy Birthday dear Katie happy birthday to you!" Sings my dad down the phone.
Oh God I think I might die.
"Er thanks Dad." I say, "But it’s not my birthday today it's Emma's" (my sister)
Note to self - giving parents your work number is a bad idea.
Showing posts with label practical jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label practical jokes. Show all posts
Monday, 5 October 2009
Friday, 25 September 2009
Thank God this week is over!
This has felt like a long and hard week but it is finally Friday – yay!
Not only was I too embarrassed to look one of my workmates in the eye after blatant flirting I decided to ward off any potential gossip was to flirt outrageously with one of the journalists. Smart move.
His name is Chris and well is he hot, single and famous?
Unfortunately not. He is a year older than me but looks twelve. Skinnier than me and painfully shy. He blushes even more than I do.
Perhaps I should have found someone more suitable.
Well my flirting attempts are such a success that Chris seems terrified to be around me, when he left the office and I said goodbye he backed away from me and I detected shaking.
Should I start Kate’s guide to repelling men? Apparently I’m a natural.
To make matters worse I am sure Rob and Jamie guessed exactly what I was up to and were not fooled. There was a certain amount of sniggering from their end of the office.
This afternoon once Chris has escaped I am feeling more relaxed. Even Ted seems cheerful and we all start chatting about plans for the weekend. Rob has been boasting non stop about his weekend plans with the latest conquest.
"The words too much information, mean nothing to you do they?” I comment.
Rob laughs and responds, "Too much information nothing. I'm all about the women, talk to them, take them out, treat them right."
I smile.
"Wow Rob that's great - maybe one day you'll be ready for a real girl rather than an inflatable."
He gives me a look, "Jealous Katie?"
"Oh sorry Rob." I say seriously, "But I like men..."
I am rewarded with a laugh from Ted and Jamie but I think Rob is plotting revenge. Note to self do not let him make me a drink.
Edit - apologies to earlier readers I accidently hit publish without having done my spellcheck. Oops!
Not only was I too embarrassed to look one of my workmates in the eye after blatant flirting I decided to ward off any potential gossip was to flirt outrageously with one of the journalists. Smart move.
His name is Chris and well is he hot, single and famous?
Unfortunately not. He is a year older than me but looks twelve. Skinnier than me and painfully shy. He blushes even more than I do.
Perhaps I should have found someone more suitable.
Well my flirting attempts are such a success that Chris seems terrified to be around me, when he left the office and I said goodbye he backed away from me and I detected shaking.
Should I start Kate’s guide to repelling men? Apparently I’m a natural.
To make matters worse I am sure Rob and Jamie guessed exactly what I was up to and were not fooled. There was a certain amount of sniggering from their end of the office.
This afternoon once Chris has escaped I am feeling more relaxed. Even Ted seems cheerful and we all start chatting about plans for the weekend. Rob has been boasting non stop about his weekend plans with the latest conquest.
"The words too much information, mean nothing to you do they?” I comment.
Rob laughs and responds, "Too much information nothing. I'm all about the women, talk to them, take them out, treat them right."
I smile.
"Wow Rob that's great - maybe one day you'll be ready for a real girl rather than an inflatable."
He gives me a look, "Jealous Katie?"
"Oh sorry Rob." I say seriously, "But I like men..."
I am rewarded with a laugh from Ted and Jamie but I think Rob is plotting revenge. Note to self do not let him make me a drink.
Edit - apologies to earlier readers I accidently hit publish without having done my spellcheck. Oops!
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Prank phone calls and doughnuts - all in a days work
We have a magazine going to print in three days and zero sales. Ted is out of the office all day and clearly the sales guys are all working hard making calls.... yeah right.
In fact team are trying to get the word "lubricating" into a call with bonus points if they can actually close the sale. There are doughnuts to be won for the winner
Ethan gets the next call. He is polite and professional but at the end of the call apologies if there was a rustling noise explaining, “In this weather my lips get chapped unless they have constant lubricating.” Jamie and I instantly exchange looks –and I blush. Obviously we both have dirty minds – note to self flirting with workmates is a bad idea.
Rob decides to take the next one. We listen to his outrageous flirting with the buyer and he says it has been an illubricating experience. We all groan. Minus points for outrageous flirting and not using the word properly.
Jim calls one of our biggest clients a well known bank. He gets through to the reception and tells the poor girl (on speaker) that he is in a van with a delivery of five hundred doughnuts and is she authorized to take them. She sounds confused.
“Are you the man in the blue van?” she asks,
“Yes!” Jim asserts much to our amusement “And I need to deliver these five hundred doughnuts into your office.” He coughs to cover his laughing.
“Well I might have to check with my boss” The poor receptionist says sounding flustered, “But your van has just driven off hasn’t it?” She now sounds thoroughly confused.
“Oh has it.” Says Jim, “I must have gone then – goodbye.”
I think Jim won the doughnuts.
In fact team are trying to get the word "lubricating" into a call with bonus points if they can actually close the sale. There are doughnuts to be won for the winner
Ethan gets the next call. He is polite and professional but at the end of the call apologies if there was a rustling noise explaining, “In this weather my lips get chapped unless they have constant lubricating.” Jamie and I instantly exchange looks –and I blush. Obviously we both have dirty minds – note to self flirting with workmates is a bad idea.
Rob decides to take the next one. We listen to his outrageous flirting with the buyer and he says it has been an illubricating experience. We all groan. Minus points for outrageous flirting and not using the word properly.
Jim calls one of our biggest clients a well known bank. He gets through to the reception and tells the poor girl (on speaker) that he is in a van with a delivery of five hundred doughnuts and is she authorized to take them. She sounds confused.
“Are you the man in the blue van?” she asks,
“Yes!” Jim asserts much to our amusement “And I need to deliver these five hundred doughnuts into your office.” He coughs to cover his laughing.
“Well I might have to check with my boss” The poor receptionist says sounding flustered, “But your van has just driven off hasn’t it?” She now sounds thoroughly confused.
“Oh has it.” Says Jim, “I must have gone then – goodbye.”
I think Jim won the doughnuts.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Welcome to me office I talk like moron
Recently I have been attending our weekly meetings with Jay, Andi, Jim and Kay. These meetings are pretty much a guaranteed cure to insomnia. My idea of a meeting would be, "here are certain topics - lets discuss them". Jays idea seems to be "My voice sounds great I am sure everyone wants to spend their entire Friday afternoon listening to it.
Andi and I have taken to being a bit silly in the meeting. Jay has a sense of humour lack so we are trying to be subtle. It includes bringing a large scented candle to the meeting, pass the cough but these only last for so long.
Until we hit jackpot - the bingo bollocks.
Basically we hand out bingo cards to all of the unfortunate attendees with some of his more irritating phrases on. We all pay a £ and the person with a line wins. If no one wins the money gets rolled over.
My bingo card today contains:
Modus Operandi
360 degree thinging
Pushing the Envelope
Moving Forward
Heads Up
Singing from the Same Hymn Sheet
Wish me luck - the cash could be mine!
Andi and I have taken to being a bit silly in the meeting. Jay has a sense of humour lack so we are trying to be subtle. It includes bringing a large scented candle to the meeting, pass the cough but these only last for so long.
Until we hit jackpot - the bingo bollocks.
Basically we hand out bingo cards to all of the unfortunate attendees with some of his more irritating phrases on. We all pay a £ and the person with a line wins. If no one wins the money gets rolled over.
My bingo card today contains:
Modus Operandi
360 degree thinging
Pushing the Envelope
Moving Forward
Heads Up
Singing from the Same Hymn Sheet
Wish me luck - the cash could be mine!
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Warning - working in media may cause insanity
The next day when I arrive there is a girl looking rather nervous outside the office. I smile and ask her if she is okay and she replies her name is Jane (wow we love J's in this company) she is starting work today for a publishing company but no one has given her a card to get in. She was told to arrive at half eight and has been waiting half an hour.
Oh dear. Jane looks horrified as if she expected this company to be in some way professional. I smile and show her upstairs - fourth floor and the lift is broken. I notice her becoming more and more worried and try to put her at her ease.When we get upstairs I show her the toilets and tea and coffee making facilities and introduce her to Jay.
Poor Jane spends at least an hour having to smile and nod sweetly while Jay waffles on at her. Sorry Jay but I don't think gray, skinny and full of crap is her type.
Jane emails me asking if there is any chance of going permanent. I email back saying I have no idea but she should talk to Andi who is doing the real recruiting. At Robs instance I also ask her if we are likely to get paid this month. I also worry about her sanity if she wants to go permanent - has she not just spent an hour with Jay? So far today she has been abandoned outside the office, had to listen to Jay and had a stack of books knocked on her. (Smooth Jack real smooth)
The day picks up though when Jim sick of all the sales calls decides to have some fun. We were looking at moving offices a few months back and we have been getting endless calls since then.Jim decided then next victim that calls is getting psycho Jim. We are all intrigued at this point.
The phone rings and I transfer it to Jim and motion to the others to list. Jim puts it on loud speaker
Telesales: Hello, is this Jim?
Jim: (In faux posh Jay tones) Yaaah
Telesales: (starts his sales pitch)
Jim: Old Macdonald had a farm ei ei o
Telesales: Excuse me?
Jim:With a baaaaaa baaaaa here and a baaaaaa baaaaa there
Telesales: Shall I call at a more convenient time?
Jim: Baaaaaaaaaa
Telesales: I'll take you off our list.
Do you have to be mad to work in media or does media make you mad?
Oh dear. Jane looks horrified as if she expected this company to be in some way professional. I smile and show her upstairs - fourth floor and the lift is broken. I notice her becoming more and more worried and try to put her at her ease.When we get upstairs I show her the toilets and tea and coffee making facilities and introduce her to Jay.
Poor Jane spends at least an hour having to smile and nod sweetly while Jay waffles on at her. Sorry Jay but I don't think gray, skinny and full of crap is her type.
Jane emails me asking if there is any chance of going permanent. I email back saying I have no idea but she should talk to Andi who is doing the real recruiting. At Robs instance I also ask her if we are likely to get paid this month. I also worry about her sanity if she wants to go permanent - has she not just spent an hour with Jay? So far today she has been abandoned outside the office, had to listen to Jay and had a stack of books knocked on her. (Smooth Jack real smooth)
The day picks up though when Jim sick of all the sales calls decides to have some fun. We were looking at moving offices a few months back and we have been getting endless calls since then.Jim decided then next victim that calls is getting psycho Jim. We are all intrigued at this point.
The phone rings and I transfer it to Jim and motion to the others to list. Jim puts it on loud speaker
Telesales: Hello, is this Jim?
Jim: (In faux posh Jay tones) Yaaah
Telesales: (starts his sales pitch)
Jim: Old Macdonald had a farm ei ei o
Telesales: Excuse me?
Jim:With a baaaaaa baaaaa here and a baaaaaa baaaaa there
Telesales: Shall I call at a more convenient time?
Jim: Baaaaaaaaaa
Telesales: I'll take you off our list.
Do you have to be mad to work in media or does media make you mad?
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Tell me why I don't like Mondays
Because at the moment this Monday is shaping up well.
First I arrive twenty minutes late and no one even seems to notice. I even had an excuse prepared to do with water on the tube - hey there has to be some benefit of how crap London Underground are.
Second following our drinks I have decided that I will not obsess that I am not marriage material I will just be glad to have survived the potential cliff shove. On an entirely unrelated subject I do make everyone a cup of tea and coffee that morning and even offer to do the lunch time round...
I have been having fun at my job recently too - Raw has been taking me to industry conferences and letting me see their literature and I am making up brochures and media packs. I find myself taking to these like a duck to water - I actually feel like I am doing something I am good at for pretty much the first time in my life.
And Jim has said that if I want to I can work from home one day a week! Woohoo sitting on the computer in my pyjamas. If I am feeling like it I can email naked.
Ha! Naked Wednesdays!
First I arrive twenty minutes late and no one even seems to notice. I even had an excuse prepared to do with water on the tube - hey there has to be some benefit of how crap London Underground are.
Second following our drinks I have decided that I will not obsess that I am not marriage material I will just be glad to have survived the potential cliff shove. On an entirely unrelated subject I do make everyone a cup of tea and coffee that morning and even offer to do the lunch time round...
I have been having fun at my job recently too - Raw has been taking me to industry conferences and letting me see their literature and I am making up brochures and media packs. I find myself taking to these like a duck to water - I actually feel like I am doing something I am good at for pretty much the first time in my life.
And Jim has said that if I want to I can work from home one day a week! Woohoo sitting on the computer in my pyjamas. If I am feeling like it I can email naked.
Ha! Naked Wednesdays!
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Apologies and practical jokes
I have sent my groveling email to May and she is smiling at me again phew. I hate upsetting people. I also feel pretty pissed. I am trying to stop myself giggling but I keep noticing that my keyboard is wobbling and it seems funny. I also see my reflection and notice my nose looks red. I giggle to myself. Right must do some work this afternoon - do not want workmates to think I am a complete lightweight I think.
I notice an email arriving in my inbox from Rob. My smile fades - it reads "How pissed are you?"
I blush and try to look hard working and sober. In my defense I am a size 10 and 5,7. I have less room to soak up alcohol than they do.
Jim leaves to go and grab cigarettes and Rob decides it is joke time. He carefully covers Jim's phone in ink so him ear will be black. He also unfolds a paper clip and picks up Jim's afternoon banana. I watch intrigued as he carefully decapitates the unsuspecting banana and replaces it. I pick it up impressed - you wouldn't have a clue the banana had been sliced in half.
Under strict instructions not to give the game away I get back to my marketing letters. Jim comes back and promptly answers his phone. Luckily he realizes immediately and laughs. He then ends up with half a banana in his lap and officially declares war on Rob. Monday morning could be interesting I think....
I notice an email arriving in my inbox from Rob. My smile fades - it reads "How pissed are you?"
I blush and try to look hard working and sober. In my defense I am a size 10 and 5,7. I have less room to soak up alcohol than they do.
Jim leaves to go and grab cigarettes and Rob decides it is joke time. He carefully covers Jim's phone in ink so him ear will be black. He also unfolds a paper clip and picks up Jim's afternoon banana. I watch intrigued as he carefully decapitates the unsuspecting banana and replaces it. I pick it up impressed - you wouldn't have a clue the banana had been sliced in half.
Under strict instructions not to give the game away I get back to my marketing letters. Jim comes back and promptly answers his phone. Luckily he realizes immediately and laughs. He then ends up with half a banana in his lap and officially declares war on Rob. Monday morning could be interesting I think....
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