Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Secret life of the office

So my secret office life - or perhaps more appropriately all the things I really got up to that should probably have got me fired.

Hi - my name is Kate and I am working in publishing. I do try and behave myself but tend to find not unlike Britney "oops I did it again" is a rather over-used phrase of mine. This blog is detail a few years of my life where I broke pretty much every office rule. And you know what - I had a damn good time doing it. And I wasn't the only one getting up to no good. So time to expose this little publishing company and everyone who worked there. Names are changed so no one tries to sue me but everything else is true.

Oh and boys and girls.... don't try this at home....

Bad things I have done already and the job starts tomorrow:

1) lied on my CV - my last job was not marketing assistant - in fact it was not even admin assistant

2) Pretended to know more than I do in the interview

3) Exaggerated my pay - hey it worked I used to earn 19K and they are going to pay me 22.5K fools!

So rules for success in the new job
Step 1 - Choose perfect outfit - need to look professional and yet approachable. Nice but not slutty. Professional and not boring. Cheap but not obviously - hey my salary for this role is 22,500 - Next is barely in my price range.

Step 2 - Be on time. Be on time Be on time. I will achieve this by A setting three alarms with varying levels of annoyingness. A sign next to be bed saying "Get up you lazy cow or you will be fired" will also assist.

Step 3 - Do not talk utter crap - listen and nod - everyone always thinks quiet people are hard working and serious

Step 4 - Do not sleep with any of your work mates.

This new company has about 20 employees when I join. I believe I will be the third woman to join. Must be one of the guys but not isolate the women.

I can do this!

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