Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Printers hate me! My first marketing campaign

Oh yes - when I arrive this morning I am offered a book and told I should write a letter and get it ready to send all by my self! Woo actual responsibility and direction.  I happily write the letter and spell check it about twelve times before arriving at Jay's door. Ha - see I am important without me there would be no letter!

I am clearly a total moron. As if Jay would let me do that - as I finish he asks to see my letter and then adds so much red pen I really needn't have bothered. He then reminds me to "Be a good girl and bring it back once all my amendments have been made so I can check."

Any touches of personality in my letter have been scrupulously removed and it now smacks of pretension. Past caring I  print the letters. All 5,000 of them. I feel rather horrified as they build up on my desk. Oh shit - it is repeating the same letter - quick cancel cancel cancel!
Okay deep breath - I try again

Success it is printing!!! Then suddenly it jams. Oh crap! I kick the printer a few times and look around helplessly. I notice Jamie and Rob looking at me with amusement. Jamie takes pity and unjams the printer for me

Noooooooo it has gone back to the beginning.

Why why why would it do this?? That is over 1,000 letters I can't even use!

I take a deep breath and start again. Right I can do this. Fine print.

Oh God - this time the mail merge seems to have mucked up - it is saying dear

Cancel cancel canel -okay it has stopped - phew!

I try and look nonchalent as I collect the letters

Jamie and Rob have clearly noticed my monumental cock up - both are laughing at me. Great just great.

I set about hiding 7,000 wrong letters in various bins.

Oh God - my signature didn't print - I have to sign 5,000 letters.

Did I do something bad in a former life? Is this Karma? I decide to take up the boys offer of joining them for a drink - I could use a vodka or twelve.

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