Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Big boss, and reasons to leave your drug habit at home

Today I have been preparing for my Christmas promotion which has actually been a lot of fun. I get to give away champagne to all prized subscribers and go and buy gifts for them. This sounds like fun but unfortunately I have to go with Jay to choose them which is not.

Jay is the CEO - über posh and über annoying. The last meeting I had with him he made a joke about all the minions earning 30K or less. In retaliation I may have spat in his tea...... Yeah I know immature but the man is moron. And incredibly scary I always seem to stammer like an idiot around him.

However today he has brightened the atmosphere, not intentionally. As we are all sat at our desks in a rare moment of working (Yes these do happen) Jay bounces in. Literally. He can’t keep still and is doing a weird little jig.

"Ah the young sales team good good good." He proclaims in his prince Charles-esque nasally voice
We all look up at him. Jay's announcements are dull as hell but we know to pay careful attention or risk being shouted at.

"Everyone is a young vibrant team member here!" Jay says importantly, "And you all have the potential for greatness.Expanding to greatness in the publishing world. Little Acorns Mighty Oak Trees Grow and you are all acorns with potentials to launch that ship."
I glance at Ted and see his ears beginning to go red. After ten more minutes of listening to Jay spout rubbish Ted takes him upstairs for a brief meeting.

When Ted returns free of Jay Simon says,
"Hey Kate do you have any coke in your desk? I'm kind of thirsty?"
I splutter trying not to laugh and Jamie replies, "I have some Simon, I am a complete addict."
"Thanks." Simon smooths his blonde hair his face the picture of innocence.
"You know it is near Christmas." Rob says with a smirk, Anyone got a favourite song?"
"It's got to be Dreaming of a White Christmas" I reply.

Jamie grins, I prefer the more modern stuff, "White stripes anyone?"
"Will you lot shut the F*ck up?" Ted suddenly shouts.

Surreptitiously I glance at my emails - there is one from Laura sent an hour ago saying "Look out for Jay, he got a delivery this morning and has been high as a kite ever since."

Pros and Cons of having a boss with a blatant coke addiction:
  • Pros: He never notices when we are slacking as he spends a lot of the time out of it
  • Cons: He is prone to mood swings and scariness.
  • Pros: he isn't around much.
  • Cons: If he puts all the companies money up his nose it might go bust.
  • Con: Ted has more power when he is on another planet.
Quick reminder as well anyone that won a prize Here needs to email me their address. Email



  1. I knew I should have gone into marketting instead of journalism....
    Another great post.

  2. Oh my God! I love your office. In fact, I really love your blog. There are a few blogs out there that try to do the same thing as yours, but none as well. Luv Tina

  3. What an exciting office environment

  4. Haha this is pretty hilarious! I love Ted.


  5. Do an intervention on Jay, will you ? If the company goes bust...we have no blog !

  6. Jay needs a harder drug. That way you can buy all of his swank stuff for cheap when he starts to bottom out.

    Looking on the bright side...

  7. It didn't take Simon very long to fit in LOL

    You might want to take Let It Snow off of your christmas rotation :)

  8. I prefer Pepsi myself. It doesn't burn as bad when it goes up my nose.

  9. oh

    this is insane. replace it with sugar. see what happens

  10. Really? Ted? HAHA. love the post as usual. :D

    And Simon is like 'one of you guys' already. Niiice.

  11. lol, if only my bosses came into work high. if only. sigh.

  12. Is Ted high or Jay?

  13. If he was really keeping up on his music, he'd have said, "Dead Weather" anyone? Next time tell him the White Stripes are not so modern, and Jack White's new project is so much better...

  14. Good lord that is funny!

    I have left a blog award for you on my blog! Thank you for making me laugh on a daily basis. Go on over there and pick it up!

  15. LOL! At least you can all get a good laugh out of Jay. Otherwise it's just sad.

  16. Over the years I did work in some places that were infested with drugs and drinking on the job. Felt kind of stupid going to work if I wasn't smoking pot that day. Environments like that get you in the biggest messes. All in the past now.

  17. This is uber funny (with an umlaut). But the day will come when that cokehead boss of yours really screws things up. Trust me on that one.

  18. i'm addicted to coke light. it's so much... erm lighter? haha!

  19. Substance fueled behavior is unpredictable and exciting! You know, in that way that's hell for everybody to deal with.

    Ah bosses. Always an adventure with them.

  20. It's always disturbing when the people who have the say are in the grip of a mind bending substance; look at Britain under Labour?
    Sorry, that was unfair.
    Great post, as usual.
    I showed my mates your Blog. Now, bearing in mind that they're all blue collar workers who like Death Metal, think tattoos are the highest form of art and would only drink coke if it was laced with Cap'n Morgans spiced rum, they took it pretty well.
    In fact, they liked it! Which say's a lot, believe me.

  21. Love it! Always find myself looking forward to reading your posts :)
    'Never sniff coke..... the ice cubes get stuck up your nose....'
    Ah, i make myself chuckle.
    Great work!

  22. it sounds like you have a good work,not boring
    i lilke your blog :)

  23. Kate,
    I have something for you on my blog.
    Check my post "My First Award".
    Congrats. :)

  24. That 's really a great post for all us.We must go through this information.

    Resume Objective