Friday, 13 November 2009

Pub conversations, party preparation

So Kate out of me Rob and Simon which would you?" Jamie asks?

I sigh, "Must we have this again?"

Andi laughs and says “Personally I could never sleep with Jamie." She gives him a hug before saying, "He's like my little brother..... but then I couldn't kill him so it would have to be a boring sexless marriage."

"So who are you shagging then? Rob or Simon?" Rob asks.

She looks a little embarrassed and says, "Well Simon is kinda young for me..."

Rob looks pleased with himself and I give Andi a bit of a look....I have noticed her and Rob seeming very close recently....not that I would mind except for Andi's fiancée. I also know her and her fiancée have been rowing a lot. I lean over and whisper, “Careful remember what he uses to think with.”
She laughs and squeezes my hand.

"So how about you Kate?" Rob asks smugly? “Fancy a shag as well. I know you ladies can’t resist me."
Jamie glares at him "I am pretty sure even Kate is smarter than that!"
"What’s that supposed to mean?" I demand?"
"Just answer the question." He says tensely who do you prefer me or Rob?"

I glare

"Fine I just pushed you both of the cliff and shagged Simon twice."

Jamie glares and stomps off to the bar while Rob laughs.

Simon who has gone a bit pink smiles at me and whispers" I finally survived the cliff drop."

"So why are we on this topic again anyway?" I ask when Jamie returns carrying a tray and lots of drinks and apparently tequila shots.

Rob and Jamie look a little embarrassed.

"You have to tell us now." I say

Rob and Jamie give each other looks before Rob replies, "Well we were talking about the Christmas party the other day...."

I'd forgotten this was coming. The Christmas party or how to make a complete idiot of yourself in front of all your work colleagues.

As Rob goes to the mens room Jamie says to me "So if I was single and there was mistletoe.... hypothetically."
I blush, "So hypothetically how much have I been drinking?" I ask. Jamie smiles and looks pleased with himself. Oh God this is a bad bad bad idea.

Kate's Christmas party do's and don'ts
  1. Do not drink too much - this leads to even more clumsiness, embarrassing conversations, suggestions that your boss dresses up as a giant avocado and lowered inhibitions. None of these are a good idea.
  2. Do not under any circumstances do anything with a work colleague.
  3. If you do break rule 2 at least go outside where no one can see you and hence take the piss for years.
  4. Do not have any wardrobe malfunctions.
  5. Do not talk to Ted - you will end up fired.
  6. Do not revenge flirt with anyone no matter how much provocation.
  7. In fact do not flirt.

Think I can manage any of these?


  1. Honestly? but then your blog wouldn't be as much fun if you could... xx

  2. Your entire world seems pretty surreal.

    Would following your blog would ultimately mean that I'll be updated with the equivalent of a daily newspaper written by Tama Janowitz?

  3. Always follow #2, I mean er rule #2!

  4. Hey Girl,
    I look for your blog as soon as I come into my classroom! Since I'm in elementary school, and the teachers are very much "Elementary," I need some adult naughty banter." Thank you! If I were there, I'd give you a hug!
    Enjoy the weekend, and get into loads of good trouble......

  5. I think you could do it but what fun would that be?

  6. Wear lots of layers and eat plenty of food to soak up whatever liquor you imbibe in. It might get you through.

  7. Haha, I love the conversations you have with your colleagues. Always interesting!

    You can manage all of these. Except maybe not. If you ignore this list completely, I'm sure you'll have lots of fun. (: And lots to blog about too.

  8. um, yeah, your screwed. Maybe you'll luck out and become violently ill just in time for the party.

  9. If you stick to #1 and #7, you should autmatically have the rest covered.

  10. You may need a chaperon.

    I volunteer.

  11. hmmm. i don't know you well enough to say whether or not you could indeed follow those rules, but i'd say if you could refrain from the drink, you may have a chance.

    thanks for your visit over at the crib :) have a great weekend

  12. CANNOT WAIT for the day after your Christmas party...great post. Oh, and Simon is my new favourite (replacing Ted - I know, I know).

  13. 8. Do not go to Christmas party! Fake illness and go out somewhere else with friends instead.

    If you follow number 8 you won't have a worry but then you also won't have a funny story for us to write about so scrap number 8 and ignore number 1 cause I could always use a good laugh.

  14. It's the Christmas party. Nothing you do at it counts. Therefore we, your readers, give you permission to do whatever, or whomever, takes your fancy and tell us all about it afterwards.

  15. Simon...definitely the one for this year's party.

  16. I so very much wish this kind of conversation happened at my work. They're all a bunch of uptights. But it pays.


  17. Hey

    What a great concept for a blog! Gossip, yes please.

    No 6 + 7 on 'don't list' - I cant 'don't' -

    I was born to flirt. lol :)

  18. Wardrobe malfunctions are what Santa wants to see!

  19. Just as long as you manage #5, the rest can be dealt with and we still get regular updates seeing as you'll still actually have a job.... :D

    good luck with that!!

  20. I've never been to a work christmas party and this year is the first one i'm attending. YEh im pretty scared now haha!

  21. i think if you stick with rule #1, you should be good. but just in case, throw in rule #7 into the mix as well. if not, then just blog all bout it! good luck!!

  22. ha ha mention of santa claus though, i wonder if he was at the bar, you know after all he does all the work in christmas then how the scales wud tilt :P

    thanks for visiting my blog :)

  23. Can I vote for the avocado option? Oh this not a voting thing? Damn it!

    Sounds like crazy fun. Just try to avoid marrying one of the guys, pushing another off the cliff, and...well, actually don't avoid the third. It'd make a good story for the blog ;)

  24. Kitty Moore - I like it! and you are probably right

    Technolustmaxx - Er things are kind of surreal but I guess thats publishing for you. Plus I edit the boring parts out. And forgive me for being ignorant but who is Tama Janowitz?

    Ian - Yes follow 2!

    Write Right Where You "R" - Aw thank you. I am sending a hug right back!

    The Peach Tart _ I'm still trying to work out if it would be a good idea. My instincts say no but if Jamie is single then..... we'll see.

    Aunt Juicebox - Well they are feeding us a Christmas lunch apparently.

    missykimmy/SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB - Thanks :)

    Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats - Note to self must cook the night before

    Hunter/little miss angry - Good plan just need will power... must find some before 10th December

    Badass Geek - Good plan. Then if anything goes wrong I can blame you!

    plentymorefishoutofwater - Ha ha Simon and Ted are so different though!

    Sparkless - Ha ha love it

  25. Your office is soooooo much more interesting than mine. Good rules. Doubt you'll keep them. But good luck anyway. Your sass to your boss and co-workers is amazing -- I can't believe you haven't been fired. Yet.

  26. I try and abide by rule number one every year and never manage it.

  27. Mike - there is still time!

    R.R.Jones this year my excuse is if I break them it is to have more itneresting blogging...

  28. And if you go outside, don't find yourself on your knees in front of two of the co-workers, that after that get discovered by a person with a camera. I've heard about that, and so have 200 other of the employees on that particular company.