Pub conversations, party preparation

So Kate out of me Rob and Simon which would you?" Jamie asks?

I sigh, "Must we have this again?"

Andi laughs and says “Personally I could never sleep with Jamie." She gives him a hug before saying, "He's like my little brother..... but then I couldn't kill him so it would have to be a boring sexless marriage."

"So who are you shagging then? Rob or Simon?" Rob asks.

She looks a little embarrassed and says, "Well Simon is kinda young for me..."

Rob looks pleased with himself and I give Andi a bit of a look....I have noticed her and Rob seeming very close recently....not that I would mind except for Andi's fiancée. I also know her and her fiancée have been rowing a lot. I lean over and whisper, “Careful remember what he uses to think with.”
She laughs and squeezes my hand.

"So how about you Kate?" Rob asks smugly? “Fancy a shag as well. I know you ladies can’t resist me."
Jamie glares at him "I am pretty sure even Kate is smarter than that!"
"What’s that supposed to mean?" I demand?"
"Just answer the question." He says tensely who do you prefer me or Rob?"

I glare

"Fine I just pushed you both of the cliff and shagged Simon twice."

Jamie glares and stomps off to the bar while Rob laughs.

Simon who has gone a bit pink smiles at me and whispers" I finally survived the cliff drop."


"So why are we on this topic again anyway?" I ask when Jamie returns carrying a tray and lots of drinks and apparently tequila shots.

Rob and Jamie look a little embarrassed.

"You have to tell us now." I say

Rob and Jamie give each other looks before Rob replies, "Well we were talking about the Christmas party the other day...."

I'd forgotten this was coming. The Christmas party or how to make a complete idiot of yourself in front of all your work colleagues.

As Rob goes to the mens room Jamie says to me "So if I was single and there was mistletoe.... hypothetically."
I blush, "So hypothetically how much have I been drinking?" I ask. Jamie smiles and looks pleased with himself. Oh God this is a bad bad bad idea.

Kate's Christmas party do's and don'ts

1. Do not drink too much - this leads to even more clumsiness, embarrassing conversations, suggestions that your boss dresses up as a giant avocado and lowered inhibitions. None of these are a good idea.
2. Do not under any circumstances do anything with a work colleague.
3. If you do break rule 2 at least go outside where no one can see you and hence take the piss for years.
4. Do not have any wardrobe malfunctions.
5. Do not talk to Ted - you will end up fired.
6. Do not revenge flirt with anyone no matter how much provocation.
7. In fact do not flirt.

Think I can manage any of these?