How not to start a new job

Today’s list of mistakes:

• 1. (This may not actually be his fault but) he and Jim are at loggerheads. Jay has decided for some reason that Jim must work his entire notice but he will now report into Ted. As Jim has been in the job five years this goes down like a cup of cold sick.
  
  
• 2. Being too chummy with the big boss. Ted got the job through his close friendship with Jay which is no secret. He is also disappearing regularly into Jays office for confidential chats. The result is we are all feeling paranoid. Are they discussing us? Why all the secrecy?
  
  
• 3. Being openly critical of the sales team. On his second day he made pointed comments about people coming back late from lunch. To be fair he was right but even so it probably could have waited a week.
  
  
• 4. He has no tact. The poor man is one of the most tactless people I have even met. His clangers and include to Andi, "Are you okay? You look dreadful," to Jim, "Golly you need a breathe mint." to May "No I don't like belly piercings, especially on the larger lady like yourself." Oh Ted - no just no.
  
  
• 5. Not thinking and announcing loudly about a sales man who called him, "He was clearly some minion on only 25K poor fool." Result we are all glaring and I am really worried about what Jamie is doing to his coffee…
  
  
• 6. Mentioning his old company "The Managers" constantly. I begin to say "This one time at band camp..." whenever he mentions it which makes the others snigger. Poor Ted does not understand.
  
  
• 7. Asking all of us to make time to sit with him and bring our CV's. We all panic and Andi who has been in the company thirteen years is livid.
  
  
• 8. He's not hot. Okay this in itself is not a crime but visible ear hair I find a little gross. I am apparently deeply shallow though… Jamie said yesterday, “No offense Katie but I’ve stepped in puddles deeper than you.” Harsh but true?