Monday, 21 September 2009

Office punches - well almost

Ted strikes again!

On a slightly hungover Monday morning I try to sneak in inconspicuously. (Fifteen minutes late isn’t that bad right?) As I arrive I hear raised voices. I poke my head around the corner and see Jim storming out.

"Okay... what's going on?" I ask.

Andi tells me. Apparently Jay and Ted arrived this morning and mentioned that they felt the office was too relaxed on things such as lunch breaks, timekeeping (I blush) alcohol consumption, (I blush again) and the general attitude.

So this morning Ted proudly presented a white board entitled:

Office Conduct - rules of a happy hardworking office.

  • Lunch hour is one hour only no exceptions.
  • Employees must not return to the building smelling of alcohol.
  • If employees have a drink at lunchtime it should be a glass of wine with a meal not more.
  • Employees should aim to arrive at 8:45am. I ask whether they will aim to pay us for those extra fifteen minutes but no one seems to know.
  • The phone is for strictly work calls only.
  • No immature practical jokes in the office.
  • Staff should not form personal relationships with each other.
  • Staff must make sure they are smartly dressed at all times
  • The phone MUST be answered by the second ring
I look at the sign for a moment. Have I accidently gone back to school without realising it? Yes we do take long lunches when we have smashed all our figures for the week - last week we went 30K over budget - surely thats a good thing? And none of us ever leave until at least 6pm when we are only paid to stay until 5:00pm Jamie’s response to this is to suggest we all go to the pub at midday to spend a few hours discussing. I agree but before we go I quickly add a note to the list.
  • All employees must raise their hands and ask before going to the toilet. We will tolerate no exceptions.
I'm not going to help his opinion of me as disrespectful am I?


  1. Hahaha. Your posts are so funny. I'm serious - you could write a book with this.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

  2. "No immature practical jokes in the office."

    The implication is that *mature* (iow, pornographic adult-themed) jokes are allowable. Wow, really really IS an idiot.

  3. Girl With The Bow Tie - thanks - you always make me smile :)

    lifechick -Damn why didn't I think of that!