On a slightly hungover Monday morning I try to sneak in inconspicuously. (Fifteen minutes late isn’t that bad right?) As I arrive I hear raised voices. I poke my head around the corner and see Jim storming out.
"Okay... what's going on?" I ask.
Andi tells me. Apparently Jay and Ted arrived this morning and mentioned that they felt the office was too relaxed on things such as lunch breaks, timekeeping (I blush) alcohol consumption, (I blush again) and the general attitude.
So this morning Ted proudly presented a white board entitled:
Office Conduct - rules of a happy hardworking office.
- Lunch hour is one hour only no exceptions.
- Employees must not return to the building smelling of alcohol.
- If employees have a drink at lunchtime it should be a glass of wine with a meal not more.
- Employees should aim to arrive at 8:45am. I ask whether they will aim to pay us for those extra fifteen minutes but no one seems to know.
- The phone is for strictly work calls only.
- No immature practical jokes in the office.
- Staff should not form personal relationships with each other.
- Staff must make sure they are smartly dressed at all times
- The phone MUST be answered by the second ring
- All employees must raise their hands and ask before going to the toilet. We will tolerate no exceptions.